The Untitled Series:
Black Balloon 
by Annie


Chris

I wish I had never wanted to party that night.

I wish I had been sober enough to know that it was late and time to go home.

I wish I wouldn't have let JC go home with that asshole.

I wish JC wouldn't have slept with him.

I wish Lance's face wouldn't have looked so horrified.

I wish Lance's face wouldn't look so pained now.

I wish Justin and JC would stop fighting.

I wish Lance would stop crying.

I wish I wasn't apart of this

I wish that this whole thing is a dream.

It wasn't as if me and Joey and wanted JC to go and fuck some guy. If we hadn't been so into dancing with all those girls, and if we hadn't had one too many drinks, maybe this whole thing wouldn't have happened.

Me and Joey got home that night at about two thirty, and we were so drunk, we must've woken up everyone on our floor were being so loud. I know we woke Lance up. He came out and asked us where JC was. Joey told him JC had come back early and was probably in his room. So Lance went to go check.

And I'll never forget his face when he opened the door to JC's room.

I can't even describe it. Lance opened the door, made that horrible face, and said, "Oh...my...God." He sounded like he was about to cry. I watched, confused, as Lance backed away from the door, as if it was burning him, tears forming in his eyes. Then I heard it, JC calling to Lance from his room. "Lance, no, God, it's not what you think...Lance!" and I saw JC run out, pulling his crooked boxers into place.

Lance just looked at JC, his face a mix of horror and pain. That's the best I can do to describe it. I was confused, and I knew by quickly glancing at Joey that he was too. Then, everything made perfect sense when we saw the guy from the club walk out of JC's room, straightening his rumpled clothes and holding car keys in his hand.

"How could you?" Lance asked quietly, and me and Joey forgot all about the guy from the bar, turning our attention back to JC and Lance.

"Lance...please...I was drunk...I was thinking about you and Justin...I was so drunk-"

"That doesn't excuse it! I told you I loved you and it was you I wanted to be with before you left! You can't make excuses about Justin because you knew I had chosen you!" Lance said, his voice getting louder, tears coursing down his face.

"Lance, please..." JC said quietly, tears falling down his own face. JC reached out for Lance, but he pulled away.

"Don't touch me," Lance said.

I heard a door open and saw that Justin had just come out of his hotel room, rubbing his eyes. "What's going on?" he asked tiredly, then he saw Lance and JC, both crying, and I can only guess that he saw Lance's face too, because suddenly Justin was wide awake.

"Lance, I was drunk, please..." JC started again, reaching for Lance. "I said don't touch me!" Lance yelled, backing away from JC and into the wall, the tears falling down his face hard and fast.

"What's going on?" Justin asked forcefully, concern written plainly on his face.

None of us could seem to find the words to say it. To say the harsh reality of it.

JC had slept with someone else.

I watched Lance slide slowly down the wall and hug his knees to his chest, wrapping himself into a ball.

"Lance, you have to understand, you have to forgive me, I'm so sorry, I wasn't thinking, oh God Lance, please..." JC begged, getting down on his knees in front of Lance.

Lance just looked away.

"Anyone care to explain what's going on?" Justin asked loudly, breaking the silence.

It was Joey who finally found his voice. "Tell me this isn't happening. JC, just tell me you didn't sleep with that guy from the club."

Justin looked sharply at JC. "You slept with someone?"

The silence was Justin's answer. "Oh my God, you asshole!" Justin yelled.

JC got up and said, "This is really none of your business, Justin."

"I can't believe it. How could you?" Justin asked.

"Maybe if you hadn't tried so hard to make Lance fall all over you, I wouldn't have done anything in the first place," JC snarled.

And I watched, as if everything was going in slow motion, as Justin went over to JC and punched him, knocking him to the ground.

"You bastard," JC yelled, getting up and lunging at Justin.

Joey ran over to JC and held him back, while I hurried over to Justin, who's a lot stronger than he looks.

"Don't you dare blame your fucking mistake on me! I had nothing to do with you going out and slutting around with some guy, so don't say it's all my fault you can't keep your dick in your pants!" Justin shouted, and I noticed that people down the hall were opening their doors to see what was going on.

"Don't talk to me like that, you-" JC started, but he was cut off by Lance, who had gotten up and looked really pissed.

"Shut up, all right? Just shut the hell up. Justin, JC is right, this really isn't your business, so why don't you just go back to sleep?" Lance practically shouted, and I felt the pain Lance's words gave Justin.

"And you," Lance said, turning to JC. "I want nothing to do with you right now. So just leave me alone."

And then, as if all the anger had left him, we all watched as Lance broke down and a choked sob left his lips. He turned and hurried off to his room, Justin looking torn between following and not.

JC went over to the wall and laid his head against it, closing his eyes and he looked so upset, I almost felt bad for him.

Almost.

I watched Justin give JC one last disgusted look before he turned back to his room.

Joey and I went to our rooms, leaving JC out in the hall.

That all happened about an hour ago, and I bet JC's still out there. I sure wouldn't want to sleep in his room knowing what had been done in there.

I didn't think it was possible for this group to get anymore screwed.

I was wrong.

Justin

I don't believe it. My mind won't let me believe it.

Of all the things that could've happened in my screwed up love triangle with Lance and JC, I never imagined this.

I never imagined JC would cheat on Lance.

I'm not stupid, I know what they talked about by the pool. Mostly because I was at the ice machine right by it, and I could hear what they were saying. I heard Lance tell JC that it was him he wanted. I knew that would be his choice from the very beginning, but it still hurt like hell.

That's why I don't believe that JC cheated on Lance, because Lance told him he loved him and that he wanted to be with him. If I was JC, screwing the whole thing up would be the last thing I would've done. I would've taken Lance right there and then, been too happy to do anything else.

But JC's an idiot, and now Lance has to suffer for that. God, his face... I can't get the picture of what his face looked like out of my head. I still remember what happened last night, when we all found out. Of course, it was JC and I that came to blows, literally. I don't regret punching him, he deserved it.

If I was him, I would've expected someone to punch me. I wish Lance would've hit him instead. No, Lance was too busy yelling at both me and JC, and while I know it was his shock and pain talking, what he said really stung.

I know that it's not my total business if JC cheats on Lance, but it is because as a group, if there's tension, we all deserve to know why. Plus the fact that this whole mess changes everything.

Everything.

I actually have a shot with Lance now. And you know what? I'm not going to take it, because I don't want to be Lance's second choice, someone he goes to just because he can't have JC anymore. And I don't want to be with Lance just because he's trying to make JC jealous. I want to be with Lance only if he truly wants to be with me too.

So JC wins either way.

And that sucks.

Okay, now someone's at my door. It's probably JC, ready to punch me back or yell at me. Or both.

It's not JC. It's Lance, which totally surprises me.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

I nodded and let him in. "Thanks," he said with a sad, tired, smile. I looked at him, and he looked awful. His hair was all messed up, his clothes were wrinkled, and his eyes were red and puffy from crying.

We stood there in awkward silence, and I didn't know what to say to him. What could I say?

"Justin, I have to apologize to you for saying what I said earlier. It is your business, because as a group, you deserved to know what was happening, and I know you were only wondering because you care, and I shouldn't have lost my head. Not at you," Lance said, looking at me, and I could see that tears were forming in his eyes again.

"Don't worry about it," I said, and I pulled him into a hug. We seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

"What now?" Lance asked, pulling away from me and looking at me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"What do me and you do now?"

Oh.

"Nothing," I said, looking away.

"We do nothing, Lance, because if we did do something, it would only be because you're either trying to get JC back, or because you can't be with JC anymore, and I don't want to do something knowing that you're not into it one-hundred percent, so we do nothing."

Lance looked down at his feet for a moment before looking back up at me.

"Justin, I don't love you," Lance told me. Why, I don't know, but it sure hurt to hear him just come out and say it.

"But I easily could," he finished, making look at him.

"I've already started to fall for you, and I could easily fall the rest of the way. If you gave me time. I wanted to be with both of you, and that's why I couldn't choose. JC did it for me," Lance said, his voice breaking as he said the last part.

"You say that now Lance, but you don't mean it. You're only saying this because you want to get JC back," I said, feeling tears pricking at my own eyes.

"How do you know what I want?!" Lance yelled at me. "You don't Justin! I'm trying to tell you that I'm falling in love with you and I want to give us a chance."

"No," I said, and my heart was saying 'What the hell are you doing?' but my brain was telling me I was doing the right thing.

"When the shock wears off, you'll regret it. You and JC can work this out, I won't get in the way of that. I heard you by the pool, it's him you want. Not me, and if you were coming to me on a normal day saying these things, then I'd accept your offer in a second, but this isn't a normal day, and you're only saying these things to get back at JC."

Lance looked at me for a moment before breaking down again. This time, I didn't go to him. I couldn't, because if I did, I would loose my already fragile resolve.

"You don't know that," Lance said, and I could tell he didn't believe himself anymore than I did.

"Yeah, I do," I said, not really caring that I was crying in front of Lance. Lance looked at me and nodded before he turned and left the room.

Damn, damn, damn, damn!

Okay, that's it.

I left my room and walked as fast as I could to JC's room, opening the door and not even bothering to knock. JC was sitting at the desk with is head in his hands, and I could see tears streaming down his face. I slammed the door shut behind me, and that got his attention.

"I hate you!" I yelled, anger already taking over my words. I saw that his left eye was already starting to bruise, and I was glad.

"Get out Justin," JC said, sounding defeated.

"No, not until I thank you for completely ruining everything for everyone!"

"What are you talking about Justin?"

"You know perfectly well what I'm talking about. Because you got drunk and screwed some player, it's now even more impossible for me and Lance to be together, because it's you he's fucking in love with and I won't be with him just so he can get to you! I thought you'd be smart enough not to mess up, but now it's completely ruined for everyone!"

"Lance asked you to be with him?" JC asked, tears coming to his eyes.

"Yeah, and I said no, and that's your fault!" I yelled, watching as JC just sat there, looking so sad...

"Say something, dammit! Fight back with me, do anything, but don't sit there and say nothing!" I snarled.

JC sat there for a moment, looking away, but then he turned to me.

"Congratulations, you've won."

I've won? How the hell have I won? I haven't won.

"No, JC. No one has won, don't you get that? This was never about losing or winning in the first place, it was always about Lance. And you had him. You had him, and you made the choice to let him slip away. And because of that, you've ruined any chance any of us had with him, and that's not fair. So if it's win or loose, we both lost," I said, suddenly feeling very tired. I didn't want to fight with JC anymore.

I turned to leave, and saw Lance standing in the door, which was now open again, looking at us both. How long had he been standing there? It didn't matter to me anymore, and I just gave him a smile to let him know he was still my friend.

As I walked out of the room, I saw that he was still wearing his necklace.
 
Lance

It hurts.

That's all I can say, is that it hurts. Everything hurts. It hurt to see JC naked in bed with some player, it hurt to see Justin and JC fighting and breaking their friendship even more, it hurt to hear Justin tell me he wouldn't be with me because I wanted to get JC back, and it hurt to realize that's exactly what I wanted to do.

Justin was right, when he told me that I would regret being with him, but only because I wouldn't have done it right. I want to be Justin's boyfriend, I really do. I want him to do those little, affectionate things that make me crazy about him, I want to experience falling in love with him while we're together, not before.

I heard JC and Justin in JC's room, and what Justin said to JC was exactly the way I feel. What JC did screwed everything up, and it's not fair, because now I can't be with Justin without him feeling like I'm only doing it to spite JC.

But everything I said to Justin is true. I am falling for him, and I do want the chance to fall the rest of the way.

I wish JC wouldn't have slept with that guy. I felt better than I have in a long time when I told him I wanted to be with him. It was true, as much as I like Justin, I love JC with all my heart. I still do, and that's what kills me. It would be so easy for me to just forgive him and work past this, but part of me doesn't want to anymore.

Part of me is saying that JC had his chance and he blew it, and I should move on to Justin, and I can understand why Justin turned me down. Why he said that we couldn't be together. Because moving on to Justin would be exactly what he said it would be, just choosing him because JC messed up. I have to give my relationship with JC a chance.

That's why I'm here, at his room, ready to talk to him. I watched Justin leave, and I feel horrible because this is almost as bad for him as it is for me.

"Lance," JC said, looking at me, a note of hope in his voice.

"We need to talk," I said, shutting the door and moving over to one of the chairs in his room, sitting down.

"Look Lance, I don't know what I can possibly say to make up for what I did, I know that. And I don't know what to do. What do you want me to do?" JC asked, looking at me, his eyes begging me to give him another chance.

"What you did... I don't understand, because I told you I loved you and wanted to be with you. If I hadn't told you that, it would be more understandable, but I did tell you that, and you had a one night fling with some guy anyway."

"I know, and I'm sorry-"

"Sorry doesn't change it, JC. It still happened whether you apologize a million times or not. All I want to know is...why?"

JC looked at me, and I know that he didn't have an answer that would justify what he did. "When we were leaving, I saw you and Justin hugging by the pool, and I didn't believe that you didn't have strong feelings for him."

"I told you I did, that I had feelings for Justin, but that I didn't love him."

"I know, but I knew that they were stronger feelings than what you were letting on. That's why I got drunk, and when Bryce offered to give me a ride home, I accepted, and when he started to make a move on me, it felt so good to be wanted by someone, that I gave in. That's the truth Lance."

So, his name was Bryce. It's nice to be able to put a name to the face...

"You didn't try at all to stop him? You didn't think about the consequences once?" I asked.

JC looked down and shook his head.

"I didn't matter enough to even be accounted for in your decision to sleep with him?"

"I was drunk Lance, I wasn't exactly thinking clearly," JC said, and I could hear a tiny hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Well, you should've thought harder, JC! If I mattered that much to you, then your mind would've told you what you were doing. Justin wouldn't have ever done what you did, and now I can't even have a chance with him because you can't "think clearly"!" I said, my voice raising.

"Oh, I'm so sorry that you can't be with perfect, precious Justin, who does everything right. Please forgive me for at least that," JC said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Why are we fighting about Justin? I came here to work things out with you," I said, lowering my voice.

"You brought him up, Lance. And you're not doing a real good job of working things out with us, are you?" JC said bitterly, and I knew the moment the last sentence was out of his mouth, he regretted it.

"Lance, I -- "

"At least I'm *trying* to save us! I don't even know why anymore, since you don't really care. And I shouldn't have to be the one to try and save us JC! You know what, forget it. Forget I even came here, forget the whole conversation we had, forget it all. I don't want to forgive you anymore, I don't want to try and save our relationship anymore, not if it doesn't mean anything to you," I said, getting up and fighting the tears that were forming in my eyes.

"Lance, I didn't mean what I said, please, don't walk out that door. If you do, I know that I'll lose you forever."

I looked at JC with tears in my eyes, and I did the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I walked out the door.
 
JC

God, I really hate myself.

Why did I cheat on Lance? Why? I knew he didn't love Justin, and I knew he loved me. And I cheated on him.

Why?

Everything was going so good for me the night that I got together with Lance. I remember everything about it, every touch, every kiss, every whisper... I remember it all. It was as close to heaven as I'll ever get on this Earth, and I had another shot when Lance made his choice.

And I blew it, because of reasons I don't even fully understand.

Yeah, I know Justin loves Lance, and I know that Lance could fall for Justin, given the opportunity, but there's just something more between them. Something that I can't explain. I always thought that Lance and I were meant for each other, but if I can do something so awful, with no solid reason as to why I did it, maybe it was fate controlling me.

Maybe I'm not the one who's meant for Lance.

But I'll be damned before I accept that.

God, I am such a hypocrite. Here I am, telling myself that I will never accept Lance with someone else, yet I let him walk away from me, and I didn't even fight for our relationship. I left that up to him, and it should've been me who was the one doing the fighting. Just the fact that Lance was trying to save us makes it worse. He was trying to make things better when I was the one that screwed it all up.

And I only made it worse when he came to talk to me. I didn't make a single effort to try and save us, because Lance had to bring up Justin.

Dammit, it always seems like this whole thing boils down to Justin. Lance said that it was my fault he couldn't be with Justin, and what the hell am I supposed to say to that? Then he tells me he's trying to save us, and by then his whole Justin comment had pissed me off so bad, I told him he wasn't doing a very good job.

He shouldn't have been trying to do "a job" at all.

After sitting here, watching the door that Lance walked out of for about twenty minutes, I've come to a conclusion.

Justin and I are going to settle this whole thing.

Now.

I'm pounding on his door, and it takes him a minute to answer it.

I still can't believe he punched me.

Justin opened his door, and I shove him back, letting myself in and slamming the door behind me.

"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.

"You were right earlier, we have to settle this. Lance came by to see me after you left, and you wanna know what? He's mad at me because I ruined his chances with you. Isn't that nice?" I spat, wanting so badly to push him out of his window.

"So, it's my fault again, huh JC? Let's see if I can remember making you cheat on Lance. Nope, don't recall it. I'd love to hear you explain to me how it's my fault you broke Lance's heart," Justin said angrily.

"Shut up! It's because of you that I ruined the one chance Lance was giving me! He had to bring you up, and then I said something, and that ruined it all!"

"How can you blame that on me? Just because I came up in your argument doesn't mean I controlled your mouth afterwards you idiot."

"I am so sick of you and your egotistical attitude. Me and you have a serious problem and I'm here to settle it."

"What are you saying, JC? That you want to try and save our friendship? That you want to try and put all this shit behind us? It doesn't work that way, because we can't go back. We've said too many things and done too many things for it to ever be the same between us again," Justin said, looking right at me.

"I want us to act like civil humans to each other, Justin."

"Well, it's hard when you keep pissing me off," he retorted. That's it. That is so it.

"And you don't piss me off, Justin? You don't come between me and Lance, screw up everything we had, and then sit back and watch with a joyous heart as we lose each other forever and Lance suddenly becomes yours?"

"Okay, first off, nothing about this goddamn situation makes me happy. You didn't see Lance's face right after he found you. I'm in love with him, and to see him like that killed me. To know I couldn't do anything about it killed me worse. And you think I enjoyed watching as Lance waited to tell me that it was you he wanted, just because he was suddenly starting to like me just a little bit? You don't think that it would've made it even harder, watching you two together, knowing Lance liked me but was still with you? I've had the short end of this deal, and I certainly haven't watched it all with a smile."

We stood there in his room, silent, each of waiting for the other to speak.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"Us, as in you and me? I think we're back to square one."

"What?" Square one? What did he mean.

"Back to where we both were before we admitted we loved Lance. Back to loving him with our all, and having no idea how he feels in return."

"Yeah, and maybe this time around," I said, "you'll learn to keep your mouth shut."

"And maybe this time around, things'll be different. Maybe this time around, Lance'll chose me, and this time around, I wont cheat on him."

That hurt. God, did that hurt. I saw a tiny flicker of regret in Justin's face, but it was gone as quickly as it came.

"Get out," Justin said coldly.

"Nothing's changed between us," I told him.

"I said get out."

I nodded, knowing that things between me and Justin were pretty much un-repairable by now, and left the room.

I walked back to my hotel room in a daze. I had lost Lance, and that hurt so much I couldn't feel the pain.

But I had also lost something else.

My best friend.

And that pain, I could feel.
 
Joey

I was convinced that Lance and JC were meant for each other. I was convinced of that.

Now I'm not so sure. I saw Lance's face when he caught JC in bed with that guy from the bar, and all I can think is that it was the most awful face a person could make. It broke my heart just to see it.

I hate everything that's happening. I hate watching Lance self-destruct, I hate watching JC and Justin loose the friendship that so many people spend their whole lives looking for, and I hate being the guy on the side who watches it all unfold without a say.

I love Chris, Lance, Justin, and JC like family, sometimes even more than I love my own family, and it hurts to see all this happening to us.

Chris and I have to walk on eggshells around JC, Justin, and Lance if we see them, which we don't. Then again, it hasn't even been a full twenty-four hours since it all happened, so that's expected. They've all locked themselves in their rooms and Chris and I aren't stupid. We know not to bother them.

I've got to say that I was really impressed with Justin. He's not even twenty, and yet he's the most mature of us all. It's obvious in his face, the way he feels about Lance, and Justin loves Lance enough to turn him down. Justin knew that Lance was only asking for them to get together to make JC mad, and he told Lance no.

I don't think I would've had the willpower if I loved someone that much. Then again, if I loved them that much, I'd be able to go, which was what Justin did.

I used to think that Lance and JC were meant for each other, but now maybe fate's decided to show me I was wrong. Maybe it's not JC that's meant for Lance. Maybe it's Justin. Maybe it's not. Hell, no one knows. People believe that fate already has our lives planned out, but I don't buy that. I think that we have some control over the choices we make, that we make our own fate. Don't get me wrong, I believe that fate guides us through the big things in life, but I also believe we control the little things.

I believe that in this case, this is one of life's big things, and JC had no control over his actions. I believe he was meant to do what he did, and that's why I think I was wrong about JC and Lance. That's why I think maybe Lance is meant for Justin instead.

Hell, maybe they could just have a threesome and make us all happy.

Maybe my hair will turn blue one day, I don't know. All I know is that in the here and now, the big thing has already happened, and now it's up to Lance, JC, and Justin to decided what to do with it.

I know it'll all work out though.

Because once we take control, fate's there again.

In case we lose it.