"Man! Look at all this mess!" Justin exclaimed, looking around his house at the remains of the surprise party his friends had thrown him, a grin on his face.

"You enjoyed it Curly, we all know you did," Chris said, picking up the cups that people had just thrown on the floor when they were done.

"Yeah, and just think, he's legal now, we can take him places," Joey said with a grin.

"Shut up," Justin laughed, throwing a bit of streamer at Joey. The feather-light paper flew only centimeters before sailing to the ground.

"I'm just glad you had fun, baby," Mark said, wrapping his arms around Justin and kissing his neck.

JC glared at them from his spot on Justin's couch. Mark was Justin's current boyfriend, and it seemed, to JC's increasing annoyance, that Mark had to touch Justin every five seconds. Justin laughed when Mark's stubble tickled his neck, and twisted out of the embrace, leaning down to pick up more streamers. Mark, however, didn't want to let Justin clean up, so he picked up the lean singer and threw Justin over his shoulder.

"You guys can handle this mess, right?" he asked as he left the room, not really leaving the statement open for discussion. JC sighed and got up off of the couch, grabbing whatever he could find on the floor and angrily picking it up.

Lance sighed and came over to him, taking the plastic cups and napkins from JC and setting them down. "It's okay, you can be pissed," he whispered.

JC looked away, trying his hardest not to cry. Lance put a comforting hand on his friend's shoulder, and JC smiled, appreciative of the gesture. They started cleaning the room again in silence, and the sounds of creaking, banging, and moans from above filled the room.

JC grabbed the nearest thing he could find, a beer bottle, and threw it across the room. It hit the wall and shattered into pieces. He sat down on the floor, curling himself into a ball, and started to sob.

Lance sat down next to him and started rubbing his back soothingly. "It's okay man, Justin's going to realize that one day it's not Mark he's meant for. You'll get him JC, I promise."

JC just continued to sob. Chris and Joey, who had been in the next room, came running in after they had heard the crash of the bottle, and saw JC on the floor crying, then they heard the noises coming from upstairs.

"Man, JC... I'm, I'm sorry," Joey said as he and Chris went over and sat down by JC and Lance.

"I guess now that he's legal, he can... he can..." JC couldn't finish the sentence.

"Mark's an ass, and Justin's going to realize it. Just be patient," Chris said.

"I wanted to be his first," JC whispered, putting his head into his hands.

No one knew what to say, so they just sat there with JC, offering what comfort they could.

Which was just themselves.

Justin sat on the edge of the bed, looking away from Mark. "I'm sorry," he said quietly, buttoning his shirt back up.

Mark sighed and grabbed his own shirt. He didn't know what went wrong. He had done everything perfectly. He had the candles going, he had laid Justin on the bed, and they had started kissing, moaning into each other's mouths, and moving the bed they were getting so passionate.

When Mark had moved his hands to Justin's jeans, however, Justin had stopped them abruptly.

"It's not you, I... I'm just not ready," Justin said, fighting back tears. Mark was doing nothing to help the situation, and he felt so embarrassed.

"It's okay, Justin. Whatever," Mark said, getting up and grabbing his shoes.

"Are you leaving?" Justin asked, standing up.

"Well, there's really not a reason for me to stay anymore, is there?"

"Wh-what? But we... we just hold each other, every night. You're not going to do that?"

Mark sighed. "Look Justin, I want to be in a relationship where the person I'm with is on the same level as me."

"Same level? Just because I'm not ready for sex, you're dumping me?"

"You're not mature enough, Justin. I thought you were, but tonight just proved to me that you're not, and I don't want that."

Justin stared at him in shocked silence. "You used me, didn't you? All you wanted was sex, and now because I don't want it, you're leaving me. I'm right, aren't I?"

Mark didn't say anything, he just started walking down the stairs.

"Say something, dammit!" Justin yelled, chasing after him. The other guys heard the yell and came to see what was wrong, JC wiping hurriedly at his eyes.

"There's not much to say, kid," Mark said, grabbing his jacket off the hook and opening the door.

"It would've been good," he added before walking out and shutting it behind him.

Justin stared at the door in shock.

"Justin?" Joey asked, his voice showing the confusion the others felt.

"He never loved me," Justin whispered to himself, not even aware that anyone else was in the room. Justin sat down on the stairs and JC was the first one over there, wrapping his arms around Justin.

"I'm sorry, buddy," he said and Justin started to cry.

JC was just glad Justin couldn't see his smile.

- end flashback-

Justin looked over as he heard the door open, waiting for JC to walk into the kitchen. Glancing at the large grandfather clock in their kitchen, it was well over midnight. Justin heard the muffled sounds of a drawer being opened and closed, and knew that JC was just hiding his newest stash.

Justin didn't know how long his lover had been doing drugs, his best guess would be about three years. It had been three years ago that things had started to go downhill in JC's life, in his life too.

The year 2005 had started out as a good year. The group had just released their tenth album, and were still as famous as ever. Justin remembered that his relationship with JC had never been better. They had just moved in together, and JC had asked Justin to marry him. Justin knew that nothing could ruin his life.

Well, he was wrong. It was September 12, a date Justin would never forget. They were all at Justin and JC's new house, hanging out, waiting for Lance to get home with their Chinese food. They weren't expecting the phone to ring.

They hadn't been expecting the person on the other end to be a police officer, telling them the inevitable. Lance had been in a car accident, hit by a drunk driver, and had died right as the ambulance reached the hospital.

That had completely shattered everything. Justin's perfect world fell apart that day, and it only continued to fall in the days afterward.

"Hey baby," JC said tiredly, smiling at Justin. "What are you doing up this late?"

"Waiting for you," Justin said, trying to sound happy, trying to sound like he didn't know where JC had been. Trying not to sound upset.

"Why don't you go upstairs, and I'll meet you there. And if you're not too tired..." JC trailed off, grinning, and Justin couldn't help but smile. He nodded and left the living room, heading up the stairs to their bedroom.

Lance's death had hit JC worse than anyone else. JC and Lance had always been closer than any of the other guys were with each other. Sure Justin was JC's lover, but Lance had been his best friend, something Justin couldn't be -because- he was JC's lover. Justin suspected that's when JC had started taking drugs. After Lance died.

The group ended about a month afterwards. All the guys agreered they couldn't go on without Lance, and they could never replace him. So they just... stopped being NSync. Justin missed that, too.

JC continued to work and produce with and for other artists. Justin didn't do anything like that, but he went with JC wherever he went. And JC was going to Atlanta because he was a guest vocal for some up and coming band Justin couldn't even remember the name to. He didn't really care. Justin didn't even really want to go.

JC came up about twenty minutes later, and Justin knew he had been drugging himself up. He sighed and closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep.

JC sat down on the bed and looked at Justin's back. He touched Justin's shoulder lightly. "I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry," he whispered, thinking Justin was asleep.

Justin rolled over, moving his arms out to JC, or at least where JC should’ve been. He opened his eyes and saw that JC wasn’t there. Glancing at the digital clock by JC’s side of the bed, he saw that it was nine in the morning.

Justin crawled out of bed and rubbed his eyes, and then his hands moved to his hair to make sure that it wasn’t sticking up too much. No matter what he did, it always remained curly.

"Josh?" Justin called out, walking downstairs. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Justin walked into the kitchen, called out for JC again.

He walked back out of the kitchen and as he passed the study, he stopped. He saw JC sitting at the desk in there, looking at a picture, and Justin could see by the light shining on his face that he was crying.

JC, oblivious to Justin’s presence behind him, started at the small picture. It was of him and Lance, throwing bunches of leaves at each other, while Justin stood off to the side, a laugh on his face. Chris was on the other side of the picture, with a chuckle and a look that said ‘children’ on his face. Joey was behind the camera, taking the picture.

JC traced Lance’s figure with his finger, not even realizing he was crying. "I wish you were here. I’m so messed up, Lance. I need you to tell me what to do. I need you to tell me how to fix it. I need you."

Justin felt tears come to his own eyes, and turned around, walking back to the kitchen.

- February 13, 1999 -

"So, you have a date for tomorrow?" Lance asked JC. "Say with a... oh, curly haired, teen pop sensation?"

JC rolled his eyes, and Lance kept talking. "You know he’s not seeing anyone, you know he has no plans tomorrow, why don’t you just ask him out? You know you want to, Josh."

JC sighed and looked at Lance. "How do you know he’ll say yes? I don’t even know if he likes me, and neither do you. Besides, he’s still getting over Mark."

"Exactly! It’s a perfect opportunity! You can help him get over Mark, by dating him. You know what they say, dating is the best cure for a broken heart."

"Who says that?"

Lance grinned. "I do. You’re going to ask him, or I’m going to do it for you."

"Lance..." JC started, sounding annoyed, but then he looked at his friend and smiled. "What would I do without you?"

"You’d be a sad, helpless man, Jace." They both laughed, then looked over as Justin walked into the kitchen. Lance turned back to JC with a smile on his face. "I’m gonna go now. Have fun," he said, getting up and leaving the room. JC watched him go with a ‘I’m going to get you later for this’ expression on his face.

Justin poured a bowl of cereal for himself, and joined JC at the table. "So... um... what are you doing tomorrow?" JC asked, clearing his throat. Justin sighed, swirling his cereal around in the bowl with his spoon. "Nothing. You know, Valentine’s Day is really an overrated holiday anyways. I mean, the only point of it is so that the card and candy companies can make some money."

JC looked down at his hands, fiddling his fingers, not really knowing what to say to that. "Why did you want to know?" Justin asked. Before JC could answer, the phone rang. Justin got up and answered it.

"Hello?"

"Justin, is that you?" a voice on the other line asked.

"M...Mark?" Justin asked, his voice getting shaky. JC glanced at him sharply when he heard who was on the other line.

"Oh Justin, baby, I need you so bad. I know that I fucked up that night, but I was wrong. I wasn’t using you, you have to believe me. I love you Justin."

"I don’t believe you," Justin whispered into the phone.

"Give me just one chance, please. Tomorrow night, meet me at that place we always used to go to, you know, to eat."

"By Candlelight?" Justin asked.

"Yeah, meet me there tomorrow at seven, and give me one more chance. Please, baby, I’m a wreck without you."

Justin was silent, and JC looked at him, eyes wider than usual. He wanted to know what Mark was saying.

"Okay," Justin said, before hanging up the phone. That one word shattered all of JC’s hopes, and he somehow knew what Justin was about to say.

"Mark wants me back."

-end flashback-

Justin turned on the sink, cupping the flowing water into his hands and splashing it onto his face. He grabbed a towel that was sitting by the toaster, and rubbed the water off his face.

He looked behind him, and could barely see the figure of JC, still in the study, still looking at the picture. Justin sighed and looked down at his hands, and the gold ring he wore on his left hand glittered in the early morning sunlight coming in through the window.

Justin remembered every detail of the night JC had proposed. There were candles all over their room, and JC had moved a table in, and set up a dinner he had made himself. After they had eaten, JC took Justin down to where their piano was and started playing a song he had written to Justin. Then he had gotten down on one knee and proposed. Justin remembered that it was the happiest moment of his entire life.

They told all the guys the next day, and Lance, Chris, and Joey had excitedly started making plans and Justin and JC had just laughed at them, too happy to care about anything but each other.

Two weeks later, Lance had been killed. Justin and JC had never spoken of their engagement after that, and Justin still wore the ring. He didn’t know why, maybe as an illusion that JC still wanted the things he had wanted before Lance had died. Maybe as hope, or a sign that JC still loved him.

"I didn’t know you were up," JC said, coming into the kitchen and startling Justin. Justin dropped his hand to his side, and hoped that JC hadn’t noticed he’d been looking at the ring.

Justin just smiled at him and shrugged his shoulders. JC grabbed a bowl out of the cupboard and went in search of some good cereal. "Did Joey call yesterday?" he asked.

"Yeah, while you were gone. He wants to do something this weekend."

"What did you tell him?" JC asked, pulling out a box of Corn Pops.

"I said I’d have to talk to you. I think we should Josh, we never see him anymore. I miss him."

"You go, I have some stuff I have to do," JC said, not looking at Justin, and Justin knew he was lying. He most likely wanted to be alone with his drugs.

"Please, Josh, I don’t ask a lot of you, but I think it would be nice to see him again. I think Chris is going to be there, too. When’s the last time we saw them? A Birthday? Christmas?"

JC sighed. "Justin, our lives are all different now. We’re not the people we used to be, we don‘t have all the time in the world to reminisce about the old days. At least I don‘t."

Justin didn’t say anything, he just nodded. "Fine, I can’t force you to go. I’ll tell them you say hello."

JC watched as Justin left the kitchen, and he wanted to kick himself.

"Why am I like this? Why is this happening?"

- February 13, 1999 -

"Mark wants you back?" JC asked, trying to sound happily surprised. He didn’t think it sounded very convincing. However, Justin was too shocked to notice, or care.

"Well, what did you tell him?"

"He wants to meet me tomorrow for dinner, to show me that he deserves another chance. I told him I’d go."

JC tried not to let how disappointed he was show. "Well, I hope things can work out for you two," he said, noticing that it didn’t sound like his voice at all. It was too false and cheery.

Justin nodded. "Yeah, me too." Those words cut through JC like a knife. "So, where are you going to go tomorrow?" Lance asked, coming into the kitchen with a grin on his face. JC looked at him with wide eyes and shook his head.

"How did you know?" Justin asked. Lance was confused. "Mark wants Justin back. They’re going out tomorrow. That was him, that was on the phone," JC said, pasting a smile on his face and getting. "Isn’t that great?" he asked, and Lance resisted the urge to hug his friend, knowing how much pain he was in.

Justin, who was obviously so deep in thought that he was oblivious to anything Lance and JC were saying, walked out of the kitchen in silence.

One Lance was sure he was out of ear shot, he said, "JC, man, I’m so sorry, it’ll be-"

"Don’t. Just don’t Lance, okay?" Lance watched as JC angrily went to the back door and flung it open, letting it slam shut and going onto the back patio, sitting in one of the chairs. JC heard the door open and knew it was Lance. Who else could it be?

"I told you to leave me alone."

"You don’t want to be alone, Josh, and you know that," Lance said, sitting down next to him.

"Dammit! This is all your fault! If you hadn’t encouraged me to ask him out, I wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up, and then I wouldn’t be feeling so bad right now."

Lance smiled at JC sadly. "You’d be hurting just the same if I hadn’t told you to ask Justin out, and you know that."

JC looked at Lance for a moment before chuckling. "You’re right, the only thing it did was piss me off because he got to Justin first." Lance just smiled and sat back, letting JC know that he was there for him. "I’m sorry," JC said after a moment. "I didn’t mean to snap at you."

"I probably had it coming, don’t worry about it," Lance told him with a grin. "Well, I was planning on helping you pick out your big date outfit tomorrow, but I guess I’m going to have to plan on how to sabotage Justin’s date with Mark..." Lance trailed off.

"Lance!" JC said incredulously, smacking his friend’s arm playfully and laughing. "Oops, did I say that out loud?" Lance asked with a mischievous grin. JC laughed again and then said, "You always know how to make me feel better."

"Hey," Lance said with a shrug, "it’s the best friend’s job. Seriously, though, what are we going to do about Mr. Marky Mark?"

JC pretended to ponder it for a moment before saying, "He does kinda look like Marky Mark, huh?"

Lance snorted and smacked JC. "You’ve been checking out Mark then?"

"Did I -say- Marky Mark was hot?"

"No, guess not."

- end flashback -

"Yellow?"

"Joey?"

"Hey Justin! What’s up?"

"Nothing," Justin said, cradling the phone between his cheek and shoulder as he finished up the dishes.

"So, you and Jace coming up this weekend? Should be fun, Chris is going to bring his dogs. Those poor old things, I think they’re going to die any day now, and that’s why Chris takes them everywhere. I don’t think Busta has any black fur left on him at all."

Justin laughed and said, "Josh has some stuff he needs to do. I’m coming, though. I need to talk to you guys."

"You sound serious. Is everything okay Curly?"

Justin heard the front door open and said, "I’ll tell you when I see you on Saturday. Bye Joey."

Justin hung up the phone just as JC walked into the kitchen. "I’m sorry about earlier, baby." Justin smiled and went over to JC, hugging him. "It’s okay." Justin pulled away and said, "I’m going to take a bath. Join me if you want," while grinning seductively.

JC watched him walk out of the room and thought that he should take Justin up on that offer. However, he was hungry and wanted to eat dinner first. JC searched the cabinets for anything that looked good, and decided to make a sandwich.

As he got the bread and peanut butter out, his thoughts drifted back to that morning, when he had walking into the kitchen and seen Justin looking at his engagement ring with the saddest expression on his face.

‘Oh Justin, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that I’ve let us drift apart, I’m so sorry that I can’t be the person I used to be, I’m so sorry that I started taking the drugs...’ JC thought, feeling the tears well up in his eyes. All he had ever wanted in life was to be with Justin, and when Justin had said yes to his proposal, he knew that nothing in the world could make him happier.

He remembered how great it was to watch the guys fret over them like excited mothers. How great it was to see the excitement and love in the eyes of Joey, Chris, and Lance. Lance...

JC took a deep breath and tried not to think about his friend. JC knew it was Lance’s death that had propelled the events that had sent him spiraling downwards. Lance died, and JC went to the only thing he knew of that would really relieve him of his pain. The drugs. NSync had broken up after that, none of the guys wanting to go on without Lance. Ever since then, JC had been falling away from everything in his life, including the most important thing.

Justin.

And now, JC knew he had to do something, or Justin would learn what he was doing, and leave him. Justin might just leave him anyway.

JC angrily wiped at his tears and headed out of the kitchen to his stash.

He needed to relieve some pain.

- February 14, 1999 -

JC sat in the living room, looking out the window into the black night, looking for some sign of a returning Justin.

"Not home yet?" Chris asked, sitting down with a beer and a magazine. JC shook his head and turned his attention back out the window.

"Justin’s a smart kid. He’ll see through Mark’s act. He probably just went to humor the prick."

"At least I’m not alone in my Mark hating," JC said with a small grin.

"Nope, we’re all with you on this one. I’m with you, Joey’s with you, Lance is with you. Hell, Lance probably converted you. He hated Mark before any of us did. He saw right through him from the beginning."

"Lance is good like that. He can see right through someone into their soul, and he knows if you’re a good person or not," JC said.

"Okay, I heard my name, what are we talking about?" Lance asked, coming into the living room, followed by Joey.

"We hate you Lance, and we can only talk about it with each other, because you’ve got everyone else fooled," Chris said with a grin, and Lance threw a pillow at him.

"We were just talking about how you hated Mark before the rest of us did, and how you can see through people like that," JC told him.

"Speaking of shrivel dick, are they back yet?" Lance asked, and Chris spit out the swig of beer he had just taken. "Lance Bass! I should get your mother on the phone and let her hear you say that!" Joey said, a mock incredulous look on his face.

Lance just shrugged. "And they think I’m the innocent one."

Everyone laughed, and JC smiled, appreciating what his friends were doing.

The sound of a car on the gravel, then the squeaky breaks, and the car door slamming silenced everyone, and they all looked out the window to see what was going on. "I can’t understand what they’re saying!" Joey whispered loudly, and Chris elbowed him.

"Thank you for dinner," Justin said to Mark as Mark walked him to the door.

"No problem. Are you sure you wont change your mind?"

Justin smiled sadly and shook his head. "You haven’t changed. Even I can see that." Justin opened the door and was about to go in when Mark grabbed his arm and turned him back around.

"Please, Justin. Just give me another chance, I swear I’m changed."

Justin just shook his head again. "Good-bye Mark," he said, before shutting the door.

The guys were on him in an instant.

"What happened?" "How did it go?" "What did you do?" "Are you back together?"

It was JC’s question that silenced everyone, as they waited for the answer. Justin shook his head. "No. He hasn’t changed. After dinner he took me to a cheap motel, and I knew that he was still only in it for sex. I told him to take me home, and he did, telling me the whole way that he was a changed man." Justin just shook his head again. "I can’t believe I actually thought he was telling me the truth."

"Oh Curly," Joey said, hugging Justin, and Justin clutched to Joey, closing his eyes tightly as tears started cascading down his face. JC watched, and this time he wasn’t smiling, because happy as he was, he knew that Justin really was hurting.

And they still weren’t together.

- end flashback -

Justin and JC lie in their bed, entangled in each other’s arms and legs. After they had done various naughty things in the bathtub, they had moved those various naughty things into the bed, and they were both tired.

"Josh..." Justin whispered, and JC thought that he sounded like a lost child.

"Yeah?"

"Do you still love me?"

JC was silent, knowing that the way he had been acting lately gave Justin every right to wonder. It still hurt, though, that he would question the way that JC felt about him. The way he would always feel.

"Of course I still love you, baby. Why would you think otherwise?"

Justin sighed. "It’s just that we’ve been growing so far apart lately, and holding you in my arms and making love to you tonight... I mean, when was the last time we were together like this? I just thought that maybe you were getting bored with me, or that I’m doing something wrong, or maybe... I don’t know," Justin said, and JC felt the younger man’s tears hitting his chest.

"Oh Justin, it’s not you. I love you so much. I’m sorry that things have been so hard for us. I don’t know what’s wrong," JC said, and Justin knew he was lying. They both knew perfectly well what was wrong.

"Do you still love me?" JC asked after a minute or two of silence.

"Always," Justin answered. He knew it was true, he would love JC always.

"Hey Joe," Justin said with a laugh.

"It’s the young one!" another voice said, coming to the door. Justin smiled and said, "Yeah, Chris, who’s gonna be 40 in like three years?" Chris feigned his confusion. "Who? Not -me-?" Joey and Justin laughed and Justin came in.

"Wow, Joe. It looks like it did last time I was here. I even think that beer can was in that very spot," Justin said amusedly, and Joey smacked him.

"It’s good to see you guys," Justin said as he brought his back into Joey’s TV room. "It’s good to be seen. I wish JC could’ve come," Chris commented. Justin nodded and didn’t look at his two best friends. "Me too."

"Would this be a good time to tell us what you needed to?" Joey asked. Justin didn’t say anything for a minute, he just looked away, around the room, anywhere but at Chris and Joey. Finally, he sighed and said, "Sit down guys."

Chris and Joey sat down on the couch and Justin looked at them, biting his lower lip. "I’m just going to come right out and say this...

... JC’s doing drugs."

- March 23, 1999 -

"That’s it! One, two, three, four, and turn, leg, again, switch! One, two, three, four-- Joey, you’re way off the beat! And Lance, keep up, come on!"

JC sighed as Darren stopped the tape once again to yell at Joey and Lance, the only people he seemed to want to pick on.

"Why can’t you two pick this up? It’s not like it’s a new song, you know the dance to this!"

"I’m sorry," Joey and Lance muttered. Darren sighed. "Take five, and I want you all to be in position when I get back."

"Someone ripped Darren a new ass hole today," Justin muttered, coming over to the water table where JC was. JC snorted and tried to hide it because Darren hadn’t left the room yet. When Darren finally did turn to leave, Joey made a face at him that just made JC laugh even harder.

"Man, it’s days like these when being famous sucks," Joey complained, grabbing a bottle of water. Justin patted him on the back and said over enthusiastically, "Come on Joey, get in that spirit! Think of your family! Think of the fans!" "Think of yourself disfigured in about two seconds," Joey muttered.

"Hey, at least you’re not Lance, who gets yelled at -every- time we rehearse!" Chris exclaimed. "It’s not my fault you all knew how to dance and I didn’t!" Lance defended. "Besides, that just shows that I have better talent at it than you, old guy." "I am not old!" Chris declared, and everyone laughed.

"Are we all giggled out?" Darren asked, coming back into the rehearsal room. "That wasn’t five minutes, it was more like two," Chris said as he and the other guys got back into position. Lance stood next to JC and asked, "So, how are things coming along with you and, you know," Lance asked, nodding his head towards Justin. JC rolled his eyes. "The same as yesterday, and the day before, and every single day that you ask me! If something happens, you know you’re the first person I’ll come to!" he exclaimed irritably.

"Sorry, I must not be having a good day or something." JC instantly felt bad, knowing that Lance hated to be yelled at by their choreographers, and was about to apologize when Darren started the music up again.

- end flashback -

JC sat on the couch, his tiny bag of cocaine resting next to him. He held the remote in his hands, flipping through channels. He got to HBO and was about to turn it when a voice came on, announcing the returning program. "Number Three is ‘NSync: Live From Madison Square Garden’ on HBO’s twenty greatest music specials countdown, returning to you right now."

JC left it there and watched as he and the guys came out, and they sat in chairs. He was trying to remember what part of the show this was, but his drugged brain couldn’t process anything.

"You know what guys?" he heard himself say. "I think we can move closer to the audience."

He watched as they all moved closer, Chris and Justin acting confused, Lance going along with it, and Joey giving off a "whatever" attitude. A small smile formed on his face as he watched them all acting like nerds, moving to the edge of the stage. Joey declared that he was going to stage dive, and Chris "stopped" him, declaring that he would never see Joey again.

"Most likely the truth," JC said with a smile as he continued to watch. The stage started to move, and JC watched as he declared that he had broken it.

"JC, this still doesn’t explain how we’re going to get to all those people out there," Lance said, making motions with his arms, pointing to all the people in the back of the crowds.

"You still don’t trust me, do you?" JC laughed when he heard himself say that. Just watching this little piece of his past, he was almost able to forget what things were like now. JC savored the sight and sound of Lance, watching as they started to sing ‘This I Promise You’, and noticing with regret that he and Justin got most of the camera time.

"We never did give you a solo, did we?" JC asked the television sadly when the camera changed to Lance. "You never asked for one."

Suddenly, all the happy memories went away and the weight of the past three years came crashing back down on JC. He looked at the bag sitting on his lap and opened it, taking another dose to make his newfound pain go away.

He missed Lance. He missed the group. He missed the days when he was clean and the only drug he needed was love. Justin’s love. He missed Justin.

He really missed Justin.

- March 23, 1999 -

"I am so tired!" Joey exclaimed as he got into the backseat of Justin’s car. Chris, who had called shotgun, nodded his agreement.

"Darren was so pissy today," Justin said as he started the car and backed out of his parking place. "I know!" Joey exclaimed. JC looked over at Lance, who was looking straight ahead, not saying anything.

JC nudged Lance’s knee with his own and when Lance looked at him, JC asked him with his facial expressions if he was okay. Lance just gave him a grin and turned back to his thoughts.

‘What is he up to?’ JC wondered as they continued to drive home.

Justin pulled up to the house he shared with Chris and JC, declaring that he was hungry, and Chris and Joey hurriedly followed him in, any kind of food talk exciting them. Lance grabbed the handle to open the door, but JC grabbed his arm.

"What’s up?" he asked. Lance grinned again, and JC didn’t expect what Lance said next.

"Wait? You have a -plan- to get me and Justin together?" JC asked as he and Lance got out of the car and headed towards the house. "I thought you were mad at me, but what you were really doing was planning a way to get us together?"

"Well, you’re obviously going to continue to be pissy until you get what you want, so I had to come up with something," Lance told him, opening the front door. It took JC a minute to realize that Lance had just somewhat insulted him, and he chased after Lance.

"I’m not pissy," he whispered into Lance’s ear as they neared the kitchen.

"You are too, now just calm down pissy pants."

"Stop calling me pissy!" JC hissed, and Lance laughed. "What’s for dinner?" he asked as they walked into the kitchen.

"Well, there’s pizza, pizza, or pizza. Take you pick," Joey said.

"Can we have pizza?" Chris asked, and no one laughed. "I thought it was funny," he mumbled to himself.

"Why don’t we order Chinese or something, and Lance and I can go pick it up," JC said, giving Lance a look.

"Nah, I’m really tired JC," Lance told him, trying not to laugh at the frustrated look on JC’s face.

"Besides, we already ordered," Justin said.

"Yeah, so call me when it gets here, I’m going to my room to play video games," Chris said, getting up. "Wait for me!" Joey called out, hurrying to catch up with him.

"Play along," Lance whispered to JC, and JC turned to his friend, confusion written across his face.

"Justin? You want to do us a favor?" Lance asked, and JC wondered if Lance was just going to flat out ask if Justin would date him.

"Well, I have this friend from Mississippi that’s coming down here, and she wants to go out to dinner with me. Thing is, she’s got these two friends who are coming with her, and they need dates. JC already agreed, would you be the other girl’s date? You don’t have to do anything big, just be like her escort. What do you say?"

"Sure," Justin said without hesitation. "Sounds fun. What day?"

"I’m not sure, I’ll have to double check."

Justin nodded and grinned. "Joey’ll be so jealous that you didn’t ask him to go out on a date with a hot chick. She is hot, right?" Lance nodded and Justin’s grin grew. "Great! It’s about time I had something to rub in Joey’s face for all the times I got jack from him about being underage." Justin left the kitchen excitedly, and JC smacked Lance on the shoulder.

"What the hell was that?" he asked, and Lance just smiled. "JC, just leave everything to me."

"Just tell me, Lance, how going to dinner with two girls is going to get me and Justin together?"

Lance patted JC on the should and said, "You still don’t trust me, do you?"

- end flashback -

Justin looked back and forth from Joey to Chris, waiting for something. Anything. A reaction, a yell, tears, anything.

"I don’t know how long. I just found out last month. He comes home really late once every three or four weeks, and one time I had come down to see if it was him I heard, and there was this little brown package on the table by the front door. I picked it up, and I could smell it and what it was. We’d been to enough parties in the past for me to know that it was cocaine. I put it down and ran back upstairs. I was so upset, I locked myself in the bathroom and just cried and cried. Josh was too high to notice, because when I woke up that morning, I came out and he was sleeping. He didn’t even know I had been downstairs and I had seen the package. Hell, he didn’t even realize I wasn’t in our bed. Things have just gotten worse since then. He’s pulled away from me more, and I know I’m pulling away from him. How can I not?"

Justin wiped his tears off of his face and looked at his friends. "Guys, come on, say something."

Chris got up and pulled Justin into his arms before Justin knew what was happening. "I’m so sorry," he whispered, and soon Justin felt Joey’s arms around him too. Justin knew he could let go, he could finally let go of some of that bottled up hurt and emotion.

Joey and Chris just held him as he cried out all of his pain. They went over to the couch and sat down, letting Justin lay across them, and within minutes he was asleep.

"How long do you think it’s been going on?" Chris asked.

"I don’t know. My best guess would be right after Lance died. That’s when he really started to change."

"I know, but Lance’s death didn’t just affect him. It killed us all. He wasn’t the only one who loved Lance and he’s not the only one who still misses him now."

Joey sighed. "I agree, but you know how close Lance and JC were. You know how much JC relied on Lance when he and Justin got into a fight, or when he needed advice, and even back in the days when JC and Justin weren’t even together. You’re right, though, JC isn’t the only one who lost something when Lance died. We all lost a really great friend, and what he’s doing to himself, -and- Justin, is wrong."

"JC and Lance really had that kind of friendship that few people find, didn‘t they? That kind of friendship that can’t get any deeper, because it’s already as deep as it goes." Joey nodded sadly and looked down at Justin.

"JC’s always had Curly, though. I don’t know why they didn’t just get each other through it."

Chris looked over at Joey and said, "Maybe JC knew that it was too much to handle, and he didn’t want to take Justin down with him, to where he is now."

"Their love, at that point, was strong enough to withstand anything. JC knew that more than anyone else. Even Lance’s death couldn’t have changed that."

Chris looked down at Justin, who’s face was still streaked with tears.

"I think it did, Joe. I really think it did."

JC reached for the bag again, and even though everything was hazy and out of focus, he noticed that the bag was almost empty.

"How much longer ’till I go to Atlanta?" he wondered out loud, before remembering he had two other full bags stashed away.

He took two more doses of the cocaine, the image on the television so blurry he couldn’t even see what it was. The concert was over, JC knew that much. He had wanted to stay low enough to the ground that he could watch it without not remembering it. Seeing the good days gave him a high, if only for a second, that drugs couldn’t.

Thinking of being happy again gave him a natural high, something that the drugs never could. JC sighed and wondered what Justin was doing with Joey and Chris. He really missed Justin. JC reached for his bag again, and he couldn’t find it. After feeling around on the couch for a moment, he leaned forward and he was so unsteady that he slipped off and landed on the floor, his hand landing on something that was powder-like. Ahh, the drugs. The wonderful release.

"If you keep that up, you’re really going to mess yourself up," a voice off to his right said. JC looked over and saw the blurry figure of someone dressed all in black, and he could just the outline of the face, and the spiked blonde hair.

"Who...who’re you?" JC asked, his vision becoming just a little more clear.

"I think you know," the voice answered.

JC’s vision became even more less blurry, and he could finally make out the image of the face, and he knew that he had to be higher than he had ever been before, because the person in front of him couldn’t possibly be real.

"You owe me," JC hissed at Lance.

"JC, by the time the night is over, it’s going to be the other way around."

"How can I owe you for setting me up with a girl?"

Lance just laughed and said, "Trust me."

"Last time you said that, Joey ended up with red hair."

"Yeah, and the fans loved it, so calm down."

JC looked at Lance incredulously as they walked into the restaurant where they would be meeting Lance’s friends and Justin.

"Calm down? Calm down!? You tell me you have a sure-fire plan to get me and Justin together, yet I have -no- idea what the said plan could be, and you tell me to calm down?"

Lance laughed and told the waitress at the front that who he was meeting, and she grabbed two menus, telling Lance and JC to follow her. She took them to a table in the very back of the restaurant and JC saw that Justin was already there, sitting in the middle of two blonde girls.

"Lance!" the other girl, a brunette with dark brown eyes, squealed, getting up and hugging Lance. "Hey Marcie," Lance said back. "It’s in the bag," she whispered to him before pulling away.

"Hi, you must be the Josh that Justin’s told me so much about," Marcie said, turning her attention over to JC. Lance saw Justin look down and blush, and grinned. JC nodded and shook her hand. "All right, JC and Lance, this is Tawny and Amy," Marcie told them, pointing to the girl on Justin’s right, and then left. They all shook hands, and Amy moved down on seat so JC could sit down, between her and Justin. Lance and Marcie sat on the ends of the table.

"So, what are y’all going to order?" Tawny asked, looking over her menu. "I don’t know ‘bout the rest of y’all, but I’m in the mood for a Timberlake special." Justin turned bright red and looked down, not really knowing what to say. JC glared at Lance angrily, and Lance looked over at him and just smiled. "Tawny’s from Texas," Amy said, explaining her heavy western accent.

"I think I want the club sandwich," Marcie said, putting her menu down. The waitress came to the table and the rest of them ordered their food, and then she left, telling them it would be ready in twenty minutes.

"So, y’all sing in a band?" Tawny asked, taking a sip of her water. Justin nodded and said, "Right now our first album is just selling to the sky. We’re doing so well, and it’s really exciting." Tawny smiled and nodded, and JC noticed with increasing annoyance that Tawny had been looking in Justin’s direction all night.

"Plus it’s fun," Lance added with a grin, and JC looked at him with a scowl.

"I bet," Amy said, her eyes twinkling. "I’ve always wanted to be famous."

"Hey, need a sixth member? Amy has the most amazing voice," Tawny told them with a grin.

Amy shook her head. "It’s awful, I sound like a frog. You want talent, go to Tawny. She’s the one with the good voice."

Justin looked back and forth between Tawny and Amy in confusion, seeing that both of them had slight blushes on their faces, and both were smiling either at him and JC or at each other, he wasn’t sure.

They made small talk for the next fifteen minutes or so before their food arrived, and then ate in mostly silence, someone making a comment here or there.

"I have to go to the bathroom, excuse me," Lance said, getting up and heading for the restroom. He didn’t see Justin get up and follow him, or JC’s look of confusion as Justin did so.

Justin grabbed Lance by the shoulder and turned him around. "What’s going on Lance? I’m okay with playing pretend date for someone who doesn’t have one, but I’m getting the feeling that Amy and Tawny don’t really need dates. At least guy dates."

Lance looked at Justin in confusion. "Justin, you have the most amazing voice in the entire world, and I wish I had your talent."

Justin grinned and looked down at his feet, feeling his cheeks flush. "Lance...I-" before Justin could go any further, Lance smacked his head. "See? They’re just complimenting each other as friends, dork. Now let me go pee."

Lance went into the bathroom and after a moment he heard the door open and the voice of JC. "That Tawny chick has been staring at Justin -all- night long! Care to run your "surefire" plan by me one more time?"

Lance sighed. "JC, Justin is gay, he’s not going to be turned straight by a girl looking at him. If that were true, he’d never survive our concerts. Just trust me."

"You’ve been saying that all night, and I still have no reason to."

"Come on pissy pants, your dinner’s getting cold," Lance said, pulling JC out of the bathroom.

"I told you -not- to call me that!"

Tawny took another drink of wine and laughed at something Justin said. JC sank further down in his chair and continued to pout as the slender blonde continued to flirt with Justin endlessly. He glanced over to see that Amy had a slight scowl on her face as well. ‘Probably jealous because Justin was supposed to be her date instead,’ JC mused silently.

Lance waited for the check and Marcie nudged his knee, nodding her head in the direction of her friends and his. Lance saw that Justin and Tawny, who had both had a little much to drink, were flirting like crazy, and JC was pouting.

"Well, this has been so fun, but we really need to get going. Lance, it was nice to see you again," Marcie said, standing up. Lance nodded to her and Amy stood up, quickly following Marcie.

"Well, it was nice meeting you Tawny," Justin said with a smile. Tawny nodded and scribbled something down on her napkin. "Use it sometime," she said with a smile, kissing his cheek and shoving the napkin in Justin’s jacket pocket.

JC glared at her as she walked off, and he turned to Lance. "Can we leave now?" Lance nodded and they left the waitress her tip and walked to Lance’s car.

"It’s her phone number," Justin said as they got into the car and Lance pulled out of the parking lot, looking at the napkin.

"Are you going to use it?" JC asked, a little too sharply.

Justin shrugged, only JC couldn’t see it from the passenger seat. "I don’t know, she was fun. Maybe we’ll just hang out."

After a moment of silence, Justin asked, "Hey Lance, what about you and Marcie? You two seemed to get along pretty good."

Lance smiled. "Marcie was a bridesmaid for Stacey. We went out on one date while I was there for the wedding, and we both decided it was too weird. We’re just really good friends." One look at Lance’s eyes, however, said otherwise.

"You want her," Justin said with a laugh.

Lance and Justin continued to talk about Marcie, the potential girlfriend status she held for Lance, Tawny, Amy, and just the whole night in general.

JC stayed silent the whole ride home.

Lance pulled up into Justin’s driveway, and Justin got out of the car. Before Lance could, however, JC held him back.

"So, that was it? That was your plan? Give Justin a nice night and make me feel like the big loser again? Do you get your kicks out of watching me suffer, Lance?"

Lance sighed. "Listen to me, Josh. If you don’t tell Justin how you feel about him now, then there’s a chance he’s going to use that number. Maybe Justin swings both ways, and he could fall in love with Tawny. Maybe Tawny has a lonely friend that just happens to be gay, I don’t know. What I do know is that if you don’t tell him now, you wont ever get the chance. You don’t want to, that’s your choice."

Lance got out of the car, and JC hurried out as well, angrily going after him. "That still doesn’t explain your big plan. Was all that just a load of bull shit to get me back for snapping at you yesterday afternoon?"

Lance turned to JC, anger flashing in his green eyes. "If you think that I’d do something that horrible, that I’d lie to you just because you got a little annoyed with me yesterday, then you must not think very highly of our friendship."

"What’s going on?" Justin asked, coming back onto his front porch. "Nothing," Lance said, stepping past Justin and going inside, slamming the front door behind him. Justin looked at JC, who looked occupied with his thoughts.

"Wanna talk about it?" Justin asked, sitting on the porch swing. JC sat down next to Justin and looked at him, and the intensity of his gaze almost frightened Justin. "Do you like Tawny. You know, like that?"

Justin laughed. "JC, I think you know me well enough to know that I don’t like girls like that. Why?"

"I was just wondering," JC said quickly. Justin put his hand on JC’s shoulder. "Hey, you can tell me anything you know."

"You promise?" JC asked, looking up at Justin again, with that intense gaze. Justin nodded. "Anything."

"What if I said that I’m in love with you? What if I said that I think about every day, and I dream about you every night? What if I told you that I’ve loved you ever since we started the group, and even before that? What if I were to say that I was going to kiss you right now?" Before JC knew what he was doing, he pulled Justin towards him, and their lips slammed together.

Justin froze at first, but then he started to respond, grabbing JC just as tightly as JC was grabbing him, and they both kissed each other with a fierce intensity that was surprising to them both.

As they continued to kiss, Lance watched out the window with a large grin.

The door to Lance’s room opened, making him look up from his book as JC entered, quickly closing it.

"We did it. We kissed!" he said excitedly. Lance smirked. "I know, I saw it."

"And that’s not the best part," JC said, ignoring Lance. "He told me that he feels the same way, that he loves me too! He said he has for a while now too, and he was just to scared, and he thought there was some weird thing going on between us. Like that would ever happen. I told him you knew how I felt, and that you liked Marcie, so I hope you do because that’s what I said, and then we kissed some more, and it was amazing and now we’re together."

Lance laughed and said, "See, told you I had a plan."

JC looked at Lance in confusion. "Marcie has a sister, JC. Her sister is Amy, who happens to be gay. Tawny is Amy’s girlfriend. I asked Marcie to have them pose as friends who needed dates to make the both of you jealous. I knew Justin at least liked you."

"What? How did you-"

"JC," Lance interrupted. "You never noticed because you were always to busy thinking about him or thinking about how you would never be able to have him, but Justin looks at you the same way you look at him. It wasn’t that hard to notice for someone who was looking for every possible opening for you guys."

JC laughed softly and said, "Lance, I’m so sorry about what I said, before Justin came outside. If it wasn’t for you-"

"I know, I know, you don’t have to get all weepy. Just so you know, I don’t care if you get mad at me every now and then. Besides, sweet revenge isn’t my thing. I leave that to the whore that is my alter ego."

"What?" JC asked in confusion, and Lance smiled, holding up his book.

"Go to bed, man," JC said with a laugh.

"Hey JC," Lance said right before JC left the room.

"Yeah?" JC asked.

"Told you that by the end of the night you’d be owing me."

- January 31, 2000 -

"I’m having deja vu," Joey said as he picked up the paper cups and plates, and threw them into the plastic garbage bag.

"Me too," Chris said with a laugh. "Only this time Mark isn’t here. Marcie was, however, before she left with Lance right as the party ended. They just wanted to get out of cleaning duty."

"Nah, they wanted to go have more of their "we’re not dating" dates again. They’re not dating my ass, you should’ve heard the noises coming from Lance’s room last night."

Chris laughed and he and Joey continued to clean up. "I wonder what JC’s going to give Justin for his birthday?" Chris just shrugged, and suddenly noises were coming from Justin’s room above them.

"Now I -know- I’m having deja vu," Joey commented and both of them broke out into laughter.

JC’s hands moved slowly down Justin’s shoulders, connecting with the bare skin as he slid the shirt off his lover. Then his hands moved lower, to Justin’s belt and he slowly un-hooked it, sliding it out of the belt loops. His hands undid the button on Justin’s jeans, and those hands slowly slid them off, taking the boxers with them.

Justin’s hands trembled slightly as they grabbed onto JC’s bare back, pulling him down onto the bed. JC looked at Justin with nothing but love shining in his eyes as he leaned down and kissed Justin passionately, Justin responding eagerly. Without breaking the kiss, JC grabbed the small container of lubricant he had and poured some into his hands. Still kissing Justin, he rubbed some on his hardness, which was getting increasingly harder.

Justin pulled back and looked at JC, stroking his cheek, and he positioned himself below JC, so that his lover could have perfect access to him. JC slid in slowly, and both of them gasped at the intense pleasure and sensations they felt. Justin gripped JC’s back tighter and tighter as JC moved in more and more, until his lover was inside him all the way. JC waited for Justin to get used to the feeling before he slowly pulled out just a little bit, only to slam back in, causing Justin to cry out in pleasure. JC’s thrusts because faster and harder, and soon the bed was hitting the wall as they continued to move together, kissing, thrusting, moaning, loving. No words were said except the whispered "I love you", but no words needed to be said anyway. They could both feel all the needed emotions inside their souls. JC wrapped his arms around Justin and the two fell asleep, needing nothing but each other.

"That was the best birthday," Justin said with a smile.

JC grinned, loving the way the early morning sunlight was hitting Justin just right, illuminating his entire body, and making him look like an angel.

"Thank you."

JC stroked his cheek. "You’re welcome."

"No, not just for the birthday. For... for being my first."

JC looked at Justin in shock. "I thought that Mark... we all heard..."

Justin smiled, "No, I told him I wasn’t ready. It was never him I wanted, Josh, it was always you."

"I love you so much Justin," JC said, pulling Justin into a deep kiss.

They pulled away and Justin was grinning.

"I love you too."

- end flashback -

"Lance?"

"Well, at least you can still remember names and faces, even if you are higher than God himself."

"This isn’t real," JC said, looking around the room.

"Why not? Don’t believe in ghosts, Josh?"

"What are you? I know you’re not Lance."

"All right, I’m not Lance. I’m whatever you want me to be, Josh."

"I’m only seeing you because of the drugs," JC spat out.

"If you want to believe that, then go ahead. It still doesn’t change the reason I’m here."

The room was spinning, yet Lance was still in perfect focus. "Why are you here?"

"You’ve hit rock bottom, Josh. Your relationship is failing, your depression finally caught up with you, and you have no where to go, because your only confidant died three years ago."

"So what? That still doesn’t explain why you’re here," JC said, grabbing his bag again. Lance just shook his head. "Those wont make me go away. Not now. Go ahead, if you want, though. The more you take, the better you’ll feel, I say."

JC closed his eyes and took a large dose of the drugs, suddenly feeling calm. Calm and tired. He opened his eyes, and Lance was still there, looking at him with eyes that weren’t green at all, but a dark, dark black. "Feel better?"

JC’s head was spinning, faster and harder than before, and he felt like throwing up. No, he didn’t feel good. For the first time, the drugs weren’t making him feel good, and he felt like he was dying.

"Maybe you are," Lance said, reading his thoughts.

"Who are you?"

Lance laughed. "If I could have a soul for every time someone asked me that question. My dear, dear boy, who am I? There are so many names. Satan, Lucifer, the Dark Son, Evil, Hatred, Death, Violence, Darkness. My personal favorite is, however, the Devil."

"How can you be the Devil when you have the body of my friend?"

Lance laughed, a cold, hallow laugh. "I can take any shape or form, even your drugged up mind should surely know that. I was there, the day your friend died. I was the one who took his life."

JC choked back a sob. "This isn’t real," he said, holding his head in his hands. If only the room would stop moving...

"I watched as he lie there in pain, the blood pooling out from his organs, calling out to his family, his friends, his girlfriend, people like that. I heard your name in there a few times before I finally decided to take his soul. And now..." Lance paused, and the form changed from Lance to a figure in a black cloak, with a hood, and JC couldn’t see a face.

"And now what?" he challenged, trying to get up, standing shakily on his knees. The room continued to spin, and suddenly the figure in front of him wasn’t the only thing that was becoming black.

"I’ve come to take yours."

JC fell to the ground, knocking over the table by the couch. The lamp that had been on the table came down next.

- August 29, 2005 -

"Quit fidgeting with your hands," Lance whispered to JC as he pulled into the driveway of the brand new house JC shared with Justin.

"I can’t help it! I’m so nervous, Lance. What if I do something wrong, or... or I forget something? What if he says no?"

Lance smiled and pulled JC into a hug. "Josh, he loves you more than anything. You two are going to make each other so happy, I know it."

JC took a long, deep, shaky breath and opened the door to Lance’s car, getting out. "Thanks Lance. Wish me luck."

Lance grinned and said, " I would if you needed it."

Lance pulled out of the driveway and JC took another deep breath, the butterflies in his stomach so horrible he thought he might throw up. He opened the door and went in, calling out for Justin.

"Finally! You told me not to eat anything, so I haven’t and I’m starving!"

"You didn’t go upstairs, did you?" JC asked.

Justin smiled. "No, you told me not to. What are you up to?"

JC reached into a pocket and pulled something out of it. "Close your eyes," he told Justin. Justin did as he was told and JC wrapped the blindfold that had been in his pocket around Justin’s head.

"Uh-oh, am I being kidnapped?"

JC laughed and turned Justin towards the stairs. "Walk," he commanded.

"Yes sir!" Justin said in a military-like tone, and they both laughed. JC lead Justin slowly up the stairs in the direction of their room.

Justin sniffed the air and said, "Mmm, something smells good." JC entered the room and lead Justin to one of the chairs at the table he had set up. He pulled off the blindfold, and Justin looked around the room in awe. The room was filled with candles, they were everywhere. And right in front of him was his favorite foods.

"Apple Jacks and Peach Cobbler?" Justin asked with a smile as JC sat down across from him. "I called your grandma for the recipe, but I know it didn’t turn out as good as hers."

Justin didn’t know what to say. "This is so sweet. Thank you." JC just put his hand on top of Justin’s and smiled. They ate in mostly silence, enjoying just being in each other’s company.

"Mmm, Josh, this is delicious!" Justin exclaimed, taking a bite of the peach cobbler, grinning happily. JC blushed and looked down. Justin had another piece, and JC let him eat that before surprising Justin and putting the blindfold back on.

"Hey, I wanted another piece!" Justin exclaimed as JC lead him out of the chair and back out into the hallway.

"It’ll still be there when I’m done."

"With what?" Justin asked as they went back downstairs

JC just grinned and lead him into their living room, sitting him down on the couch, which he had moved so that Justin would be facing the piano. He sat Justin down on the couch and took off the blindfold before sitting down at the piano.

Justin listened in confusion as JC began to play. This wasn’t one of the group’s songs, and JC always let Justin listen to stuff that he just came up with in his head. This was something completely new. As JC’s hands ran over the piano expertly, his voice flowed through the room, strong and emotional, hitting each beat with precision. As Justin listened to the words his lover was singing, he realized that this was for him. JC had written a song for him. Justin let the sound of JC’s voice and piano playing wash over him, and by the time JC was done, Justin was in tears.

Without saying a word, JC got off the piano seat and knelt down in front of Justin, taking the younger man’s hands in his. "Justin," JC said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I don’t know how long I’ve been in love with you. I feels like forever, though. And... and now when I think about forever, all I see is you. All I want is you. And if forever came around one day, and you weren’t there with me, I... I don’t know what I’d do. Justin, would you marry me?"

Justin froze, looking at JC, his blue eyes wide. JC looked at Justin, fear and anxiety running through him as he waited for Justin’s answer.

"You mean that?" Justin asked, tears cascading down his face. JC nodded, not sure if the tears were good or bad. Justin broke out into a grin and jumped onto JC, knocking them both onto the floor.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" he exclaimed, kissing JC all over his face, holding onto him tightly.

They were kissing and crying, and both knew they could never be happier.

Lance paced back and forth nervously, looking at the front door of Joey’s house every two seconds to see if JC and Justin were coming through it.

"Calm down Lance, I don’t know what you’re so excited about," Chris said, taking a sip of his beer. Lance sighed and gave Chris a look. "You’ll see what I’m talking about," he said, looking at the door again.

Joey watched Lance in amusement, wondering what his friend was so riled up about. He got his answer about five minutes later, when JC and Justin walked through the door, hand in hand, large grins plastered on their faces.

"Oh my God," Lance said slowly, a huge smile breaking out on his face. "Oh my God! Oh my God!" Lance ran over to Justin and JC and gave them both huge hugs, and Chris and Joey watched in confusion.

"Okay, what?" Joey asked. JC and Justin looked at each other and smiled before turning to Chris and Joey. "We’re engaged," Justin said, showing them his finger.

More hugs and squeals came from Chris and Joey, and Justin and JC felt on top of the world with the support of their friends.

"So, who’s going to be your best man, JC?" Chris asked. Lance smacked his shoulder. "Me, of course. Duh."

"Hey, from the looks of things, you knew about this whole thing before me and Joey did, I say let someone else be the "best friend" guy," Chris said jokingly.

"Yeah right, in your dreams," Lance told him.

"In my dreams... let’s see, there’s usually a naked woman... usually naked Dani...."

"Woah, that’s enough," Joey said, and everyone laughed.

Life couldn’t get any better.

It could, however, get a lot worse.

- end flashback -

Justin opened his eyes as the loud chiming of the grandfather clock woke him up. Three chimes, so Justin knew it was three in the morning. He saw that he was on Joey’s couch, laying on top of Chris and Joey, who were sleeping in a sitting up position.

Justin was just about to lie back down, too tired and worn out from his breakdown earlier, when suddenly he stopped, the oddest feeling coming over him.

"Joey," Justin said, shaking his friend. When Joey only moaned and turned his head, Justin shook him harder. "Joey!"

"Huh... what?" Joey exclaimed, bolting awake. "I’m leaving," Justin told him, getting up.

"What? Why?" Joey asked, standing up as well. "I have to go to Josh. This whole thing needs to be dealt with. I don’t know why I feel this way, I just do. I’ll call you," Justin said, grabbing his duffel bag off of the floor and then searching his pockets for his car keys.

"Justin, it’s three in the morning. Can’t this wait until morning?" Joey asked, rubbing his eyes.

"No, it can’t. I don’t know why, but it can’t." Joey followed Justin over to the door and said, "What are you going to do once you get there? Tell him you know, throw out his stash? What?"

Justin sighed. "I don’t know. All I know is that something is telling me that I have to get home now and deal with this."

- September 12, 2005 -

"Come on guys, I’m starving!" Joey whined, as Chris and Justin argued over what to order, Pizza or Chinese Food. "Just pick one and go with it!"

"I’m with Justin, I’d rather have Pizza," JC said from his spot next to Lance on the couch. "Of course you’re going to agree with Justin!" Chris exclaimed, turning to JC.

"We -did- have Pizza last night," Lance pointed out, trying to be the voice of reason yet again.

Justin sighed and threw his hands up into the air. "Fine, we’ll have stupid Chinese food, but just so y’all know, it’s pizza tomorrow." Chris grinned and ran to the phone, and Justin sat down on the other side of JC, pouting.

"You are so cute," JC said, kissing his cheek, and that made Justin feel a little better.

"Okay," Chris said after a moment, coming back into the room. "They said our order would be ready in twenty minutes to a half an hour, but we have to go pick it up, because they only deliver on weekends."

"Pizza delivers all day, every day," Justin muttered. JC and Lance bit back their laughs, as Joey asked, "Okay, so who’s going to get it?" All eyes fell on Justin and Lance.

"What?" they asked simultaneously. "You two are the ones with the cars," Chris said.

"So what? I’m not going to get food I didn’t even want," Justin told them, and Lance got up, fishing in his pockets for his keys. "I’ll go. Which place did you order from, Chris?"

"The one out on fifth south and seventh west. Chi Lang’s." Lance nodded and Joey asked, "You want anyone to come with you?"

"Nah, I’ll be back in less than an hour."

"Bye Lance," JC said, waving, but not looking at his friend, his interest, as well as everyone elses, on the television that Chris had just turned on.

"Bye," Lance answered before leaving to his car.

After a few minutes, Chris spoke up. "So, you guys registered somewhere yet? Got a specific china pattern all picked out?"

"No," Justin laughed.

"Hell, we haven’t even told our parents yet," JC told Chris.

"I think you should have sea foam green and neon orange as your wedding colors," Joey said, and the way he said it implied that he was really thinking about it.

"Okay, those colors do NOT match at all, Joe. Besides, what’s wrong with white and red roses and black tuxedos?" Chris asked, and Joey snorted. "Boring, Chris. It’s boring. It’s time people started being unique."

"Be unique at your own wedding, Joey. Can you just picture Justin and JC dressed up in neon and sea foam colors?" Chris asked, laughing, and everyone else joined in.

"I at least know what one of the colors are going to be," Justin said. "What’s that?" Chris asked, and everyone was looking at him, waiting for his answer. Justin grinned. "Baby blue!"

Joey and Chris groaned. "That’s right, why didn’t I think of that?"

"Because you were too busy trying to picture us in orange and green, Joe," JC said, laughing.

"I think you should play a Backstreet Boys song as the wedding march," Joey told Justin, and everyone laughed at the horrified look on Justin’s face. "Kidding, man. I’m kidding."

For the hour or so, the guys joked about everything that Justin and JC should do for their wedding, time flying by without them even noticing it, until Joey’s stomach growled loudly.

"What time is it?" Justin asked, trying to see the clock on the VCR over Joey’s shoulder. "Didn’t Lance leave like an hour ago?"

"Maybe there’s a hold up," JC suggested.

"On a Monday night? We should try his cell," Joey said, reaching for the cordless phone. Before he could pick it up, however, it rang, the shrill should echoing through the silent room.

"Hello?" Joey answered.

Justin, Chris, and JC watched as the color drained from Joey’s face and he sank off the couch, clutching the phone. "Accident? Is he...what do you mean? Is he... oh God... no, no God, no..." Joey dropped the phone, and it clattered to the ground, the back popping off and knocking out the batteries, losing the connection with whoever had been on the other end of the line.

"Joey, what happened?" Chris asked. When Joey didn’t answer, Chris grabbed his shoulders and shook him. "What the hell happened!" he demanded.

Tears began to pour from Joey’s eyes as he started to speak. "There... there was an accident. A drunk driver... and Lance... they couldn’t... they couldn’t... right before they got to the hospital..."

"What happened Joey?" JC asked forcefully, and Joey looked at his three friends. "He died. Lance is dead."

"Oh God..." Chris whispered, pulling his knees to his chest as he began to rock back and forth.

"What?" Justin asked, his voice choking up. "You’re lying. This is a sick joke Joey!" Justin yelled, moving over to Joey and grabbing him by the collar of the shirt, shaking him. However, one look into his friend’s eyes, and Justin knew it was the truth.

"No," he whispered, letting go of Joey and backing up until he hit the wall, sliding down it.

"Oh God..." Chris repeated, still rocking back and forth.

"No," Justin sobbed, putting his head into his hands.

"Was there anything else?" JC asked, his voice dead, void of any emotion whatsoever.

"We... they need us to go down there..." Joey said, trying to make his voice sound steady.

"Then let’s go," JC said, getting up and walking out of the room like he was on autopilot, like something was controlling his movements.

No one followed JC. Justin continued to sob into his hands, Chris continued to rock back and forth, and Joey continued to sit in shock.

Because to them it was reality, hitting them full force.

To JC, it was all a dream, because reality couldn’t ever be that harsh.

Ever.

- end flashback -

Justin pulled up into his driveway and didn’t even turn off his car as he jumped out and practically ran up to his front door.

He opened the door and didn’t even think that it might be locked, until it just opened. That was the first thing that frightened him. JC never left the doors unlocked at night.

Justin entered the house, and the air that surrounded felt dark and depressing.

"Josh!" Justin yelled, running upstairs and into their bedroom. JC wasn’t there, and Justin went into the bathroom, the guest bedrooms, looking everywhere for JC.

"Josh!" Justin yelled louder, running back down the stairs and into the kitchen. He turned and the living room was in his view. And what he saw made him scream out.

JC was lying there, sprawled on the floor, broken wood and glass from their lamp all around him.

"JOSH!" Justin ran over and rolled JC over, looking at him. His face was so pale, and his skin was clammy and cold. Justin reached for the phone that was also on the floor, turning it on and dialing 911 with shaking fingers.

His free hand went to JC’s neck to see if he could still feel a pulse, and Justin almost cried out in relief when he felt it, very faintly.

Justin held JC’s head in his lap as he waited for the paramedics to arrive, trying to sound as calm as he could to the operator on the other line, which wasn’t calm at all.

He wouldn’t lose JC.

He couldn’t.

Thoughts like how could JC do what he did? Was his life really so bad to make him want to kill himself? Justin knew he had overdosed on drugs, he didn’t need the doctor’s analysis to tell him that. Even if the doctor hadn’t come to -give- him an analysis yet. Hell, for all he knew JC could be dead.

"He’s going to be fine, Justin," Joey said, squeezing Justin’s hand.

"Why?" Justin managed to get out, looking from Joey to Chris with the most heartbreaking expression.

They didn’t have an answer for him.