I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind,
I promise not to mind if you go your way and I go mine;
I promise not to lie if I'm looking you straight in the eye,
I promise not to try not to let you down.

Chris

Man, this group is so screwed.

Not only did I just learn that three of my four best friends are gay, I learned that two of them love the same guy.

It's so gotta suck to be Lance right now. I mean, Lance, 'Mr. I'm So Nice To Everyone', has the job of breaking someone's heart.

I can see the general reactions in my mind now. If Lance chooses Justin, JC will close himself off from everyone around him. He'll get really into his music and he'll pretty much die inside and never be the same.

Justin, however, will put up a hell of a fight with Lance if he chooses JC, and then he'll pout and be a real ass to everyone and he'll turn bitter and grumpy, and he'll be hell to live with.

I don't know which situation is worse. All I know is that I don't want to be Lance.

I hope for mine and Joey's sake he chooses Justin.

No, I didn't just say that. I hope that this whole mess goes away. That's what I hope. Why couldn't JC and Justin keep their goddamn unrequited love...unrequited!

Okay, so Lance told JC he loves him too, so 1/3 of this is Lance's fault, but that's not the point. Justin could've kept his mouth shut when Lance and JC told us they were a couple. Man, are they even a couple anymore? This whole mess confuses me.

Lance was going to quit the group to make the whole problem, and while it was an honorable thought, it really just would've screwed things up more. We all love Lance and would've missed him, and Justin and JC would've blamed each other. So, we made sure that Lance is going to stay put.

Still, the problem remains.

Okay, here's what I'm thinking we're going to do. We brainwash Justin of everything but his singing and dancing skills, and then we tell him that he likes girls. And maybe that he was the result of a two headed man and a bearded woman's steamy, under the three-ring-tent affair....

Man, I really need a girlfriend.

I wonder what Joey thinks about all of this. I haven't really gotten the chance to talk to him since this whole thing started. We've all tried to make ourselves as busy as possible, all though I don't know why me and Joey have to feel all awkward and work our asses off just because Justin, JC, and Lance can't two demension their three demensional love problems.

This is all going to work out, I know it will. And everything is still going to be the same, I know it will...

Man, this group is so screwed.

I am elated, I am all smiles and dated,
In my man bites dog small town with a Spanish name;
I am all bone. I am two toned,
Red as a newborn, white as a corpse.

Justin

I think I like making things complicated. I really think I do. I knew from the minute I heard JC and Lance tell us all that they were a couple, that I shouldn't say anything. I should just stay quiet.

But I couldn't stand the happy look on Lance's face, telling me it was someone else, not me, making him happy. So in reality, it was his fault.

Yeah, tell yourself that one a couple more times Justin.

Man, this is so unfair. Why couldn't JC fall in love with Joey or Chris or someone who's not even in the group? Then everything would be cool, and Lance could be in love with me instead. Lance isn't in love with me, though.

That's what makes this so much more harder. Knowing that JC and Lance love each other, and I'm the reason they're both so unhappy. Although it makes me feel really good to know that Lance'll be miserable for me. At least that means he cares a lot, right?

God, I'm pretty selfish. I love Lance, I shouldn't make him go through all of this shit just because I want him. It has to be so hard for him to be around me and JC at the same time. Not that we really notice him, we're too busy glaring at each other.

I know our so called "peace treaty" wont last. I can't talk to Lance without JC either joining in the conversation or giving me the death glare. And I know I'm the same.

That's gotta be driving Lance nuts as well. I feel really bad for Chris and Joey, who have been keeping themselves busy to avoid our little problem.

Okay, BIG problem. Maybe I should just tell Lance I want him to be with JC. Sure, it would kill me, but hey, if Lance is happy, that's really all that matters. That's what love is, right? Sacrificing everything you want for the person you love.

And if Lance *chose* JC, yeah it would hurt like hell, but I wouldn't stop being his friend, because that would just hurt worse.

Shit, I'm too young to have to deal with this kind of crap. I'm still considered a teenager, even though I'm almost twenty. Maybe I'll just hook up with Britney, she's nice and all.

But she's not Lance.

Dammit, this whole thing sucks.

And then there's the whole issue of my friendship with JC. He's been one of my best friends since we were in the Mickey Mouse Club together. We made a pact, I remember, that we would always be friends, no matter what.

Yeah, well, we were both kids and we hadn't met Lance yet. Things changed. I don't want to lose JC as my friend, but I want Lance as my boyfriend more. Wow, I like the sound of Lance and boyfriend and my in the same sentence.

What am I doing? I'll tell me what I'm doing, I'm fantasizing about Lance being my boyfriend and kissing him and making love to him and...oh God, I have to stop now, this is too much. I can't handle this, why am I doing this to myself? That stuff is never gonna happen because Lance loves someone else!

I know that and I still can't do the right thing. What kind of person does that make me? Not a very good one.

This whole thing is so frustrating! Why is this happening? If this is a lesson from God that I'm supposed to pass, well then God, I just have to say one thing.

Prepare to watch me fail.

I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind,
I promise not to mind if you go your way and I go mine;
I promise not to lie if I'm looking you straight in the eye,
I promise not to try not to let you down.
Let me down. Slow.

Joey

I feel really bad for Justin, because I know that Lance and JC are made for each other.

I know that most people think that I'm the slow one of the group, but that was the one thing that I saw before they did. It was so obvious, from the way the looked at each other, when they always stood together during photo shoots, how JC always seemed to sit next to Lance during interviews. It was obvious to even me, and that says a lot.

And that's what makes it so sad for poor Justin, because now that I look at him, I can see that he, too, has that same look JC has in his eyes. I've named it the "Lance Look". And the people who wear it are doomed.

Chris and I made the choice, without even talking about it, to keep ourselves busy while they work it out on their own. I think that's starting to take it's toll on Chris. When JC and Justin are having a really heated argument, I'm tired from doing things all day, and Lance is looking so confused he looks like a lost puppy, those are the times that I wish for just a nano second that Lance had left, and made life easier for everyone.

Then it's gone as quickly as it came, because NSync wouldn't be NSync without Lance. When he went into the hospital last year, I remember the concerts we had to do without him. We weren't NSync. We were just Chris, JC, Joey, and Justin. And it was really hard, because we needed him. People think he just sings backup and handles a few business things here and there, but there's so much more to Lance.

He's the sweetest and nicest person I know. He's definitely the peacemaker of the group. He hates it when people fight, and it's got to be so hard for him to know that we're having this huge problem because of him.

I'm not going to sugar coat the facts or anything, this whole mess is Lance's fault, but because he's such a great guy. Okay, now it sounds like I have feelings for Lance too, but that's not the case. He's one of my best friends, that's it. I would rather have boobies than a dick any day.

Wait... that didn't sound right. What I mean is that I like women over men. Not that I want to have breasts.

Good thing I didn't say that one out loud.

So, back to the groups current problem, I think we can deal and everything will be fine. I mean, we went through that whole awful law suit, and made it out more successful than we were before. Of course, we can't take this one into a courtroom. What'll we do, bring a bunch of teenyboppers in as the jury and judge it based on who they would rather leave straight for them.

Told you JC and Lance were made for each other. Because there's no way the little screaming girls would give up their precious Justin. But then, if you left the fate of Justin, JC, and Lance's lives in the hands of a bunch of kids, that might not be fate stepping in.

Fate could sure give us some help right about now. Because this is the most frustrating thing in the world. I wish either Lance could just make a decision or JC or Justin becomes man enough to let Lance go.

It must really suck to be Lance. And JC. And Justin.

I mean, Lance has to deal with breaking someone's heart, and JC and Justin have to deal with losing each other as friends and trying to heal broken hearts. Well, whoever Lance doesn't choose has to go through that. At least Lance doesn't have to worry about losing any friends. JC and Justin love him, and aren't going to stop just because Lance's heart is doing what it feels right.

I wonder if Lance has thought of that?

Of just following his heart.

Why do you gotta keep the fan on high when it's cold outside?
Just wanna let you know I'm still a fan. Get it?
Everybody wants charm in a smile and a promise,
Well, I promise not to try.

JC

I'm trying really hard not to hate Justin, but it's not easy. For one night, I was happier than I have ever been in my entire life, and then it was all screwed up because Justin suddenly has feelings for Lance.

He just said that do screw up my life, I know he did. Outside he seems innocent, but on the inside, he's rotten.

Okay, so that's pretty lame, even for me. I know Justin, and he's a good person, I just don't understand how he could possibly love Lance. No, I can. He's gotta love Lance for the same reasons that I do. And there are so many reasons...

I know this is so hard on Lance, that he can't even carry on a conversation either me or Justin without the both of us freaking out. I want to tell Lance to just be with Justin to stop this whole entire mess, but I know that Lance loves me, he said so, and I love him with everything I have, so I don't. I don't give up.

Neither does Justin.

Chris and Joey are being really great about this, they've kept themselves busy to stay out of our way, and I appreciate that. They're going to let us figure out what we want on our own.

Well, I know what I want. Lance.

Damn, I hate Justin. I know Lance is only delaying his decision because he wants us to hold on to our friendship, and while it's so sweet, Justin and I are only drifting further apart. At least Lance didn't quit the group. Joey was right about what he said.

So, now we're heading off to another city with our tour, and we're going to go out on stage and pretend we have the golden ideal lives, and sometimes I wish that I didn't have to be two different people. Me, and then "Famous Me", which is where I act all sugar coated and perfectly sweet, when I all really want to do is tell that interviewer or cameraman to shove it.

I want a lot of things. Lance, mainly. Oh Justin, why do you have to love Lance? I bet I've loved him longer and more than he has, I just know it! Lance and I are made for each other, we were meant to be. If Justin screws that up, I'll kill him, I really will.

This is so hard! I don't want to lose Justin as my friend, but the thought of losing Lance is unbearable. I remember when Justin and I were in the MMC and we made a pact one day after a really hard show. We promised each other that we would always be friends, no matter what. We even cut our fingers and marked a piece of paper with our blood to seal it. I wonder if Justin has destroyed that yet?

I promise not to try not to fuck with your mind,
I promise not to mind if you go your way and I go mine;
I promise not to lie if I'm looking you straight in the eye,
I promise not to try, not to, not to, not to leave.
Not to leave.
Not to, not to leave.

I guess the only thing I can do is be there for Lance, and let him know that I'll accept whatever decision he makes, and that he wont lose me as a friend.

And as for Justin, I don't know. I really don't. I guess we'll just have to see what happens.

But I'm holding strong on what I said.

I won't leave.