Strong Enough 
by Annie


The clouds were a dark gray, almost black even. The rain fell heavily down, making little pattering sounds on the ground. Anyone who was outside would've wanted an umbrella. Unless the rain didn't matter.

And it didn't matter to most of the people standing in the small cemetery, watching as a person they had all loved very much was lowered into the ground and laid to rest.

Justin Timberlake didn't even let the words of the minister enter his mind. He couldn't hear anything but the echoes of his memories running through his mind like a whirlwind.

So many memories, so many happy times, so many moments that they had shared... the first time they had met... their first kiss... their first date... the first time they had made love... all the good times after that... and the last time they had spoken.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay?" he had asked.

"Yeah, go have fun clubbing with the other guys, I'll be okay here. I just have a little headache."

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay here and take care of you, Justin?"

"No, just come home early enough so that you can tuck me in," Justin had said with a smile.

"Okay," he had said, kissing Justin on top of his head and going to the door. Right before opening it, he suddenly spoke.

"I love you, Justin."

Justin had smiled. "I love you too."

Justin felt oddly lucky that the last words they had ever spoken to each other were declarations of their love for one another. At least he had died knowing that Justin loved him.

Justin looked at the polished rosewood coffin with a white bouquet of flowers resting on top of it. He thought that if he willed it hard enough, the coffin would open and he would get one last look. He knew it wouldn't, though.

Justin could still remember every detail of the night his lover had died. The phone of his hotel had started ringing at two in the morning, waking him up from his sleep. He had answered the phone, and heard the tearful voice of one of his band mates. They had all been in a head on collision with a drunk driver. And his lover had died.

At first, Justin didn't believe it. It couldn't have been true. It was just a dream, something that he would wake up from. Justin knew he would wake up, because fate wouldn't be so cruel.

It wasn't a dream, though. It was a reality, and Justin had felt part of his soul die. Suddenly, everything he had been living for didn't matter anymore. Nothing had mattered. To Justin, nothing mattered still. Standing in the cemetery, watching as his lover, best friend, confidant, comforter, and soulmate was buried into the ground, there just didn't seem to be a purpose.

Long after the ceremony was over, Justin was still standing there. He was trying to say something, but his throat couldn't find the words. All he could manage were the tears that were streaking down his face. He still couldn't feel the rain. All he felt was the pain.

Justin knelt down by the grave and just laid his hand over the smooth surface of the coffin.

"Why?" he finally got out, his voice cracked and tearful.

"Why did you leave me?"

All Justin could hear was the silence. Nothing else, not even the pounding rain.

"Didn't you know that I need you? Didn't you know that all the parts of me that matter, all the ones that I need to go on belonged to you, and they died when you did? Did you just expect me to go on without you? Well, I can't!" Justin said, his voice turning from a small whisper into a yell as he angrily pounded the coffin with his fists.

Soon, though, he stopped pounding and started to sob. "I can't do this. I need you in my life. Don't you understand? We were going to be together forever. We were going to be happy. We *were* happy. Please, I need to be dreaming, because I know that God doesn't allow this kind of pain... I know it..." Justin's voice trailed off as he started to cry again, his tears hitting the coffin and mixing with the droplets of rain that were sliding down to the base.

Justin remembered the first time they had met. He had watched him walk into the room and their eyes had met, and Justin knew he had been in love at first sight.

"I never believed in destiny and fate bringing two people together because they were soulmates. I never believed that until the day I met you. I loved you from the moment I saw you, and I know I'll love you until the day I take my last breath. And I can't go on, I can't... not without you... it's just too hard..." Justin stopped talking, and closed his eyes, leaving his head on the coffin.

He could almost see it in his mind. If he could just take his own life, then he would be reunited with his lover, and this terrible pain would end. All Justin had to do was get up... go find a bottle of aspirin... take about forty... and wait. It was so simple...

Justin stood up and planted a gentle kiss on the top of the coffin. He turned to leave and came face to face with eyes that were just as intense as his lover's had been, only slightly older.

"Justin, I thought you might be here," the person, the woman that had raised the center of Justin's world, said.

"I was just leaving," Justin replied quickly.

"I thought so," she said sadly. Justin didn't know what she meant.

"Listen to me, Justin. I know you think killing yourself will end your pain, but it'll only add to so many more people's. He wouldn't have wanted you do take your life. He would've wanted you to go on living, for him," she said, looking over at the coffin.

"I don't know if I'm strong enough," Justin whispered.

"You will be. Because I know that he's watching you right now, wanting you to go on and live the rest of your life for the both of you. It's almost like a promise between the two of you, if you go on living your life to the fullest. Don't just live it for yourself Justin, live it for you both."

Justin was silent, thinking about the words he had just heard. He knew she was right, but she didn't know if that could overcome the pain in his heart, in his soul. He thought about what it would mean, to go on alone. To always feel empty and hollow, like half of you was missing.

"I can't do it," Justin whispered, falling to his knees, the tears overcoming him once more.

"You're only as strong as you believe, Justin. My son loved you with every once of being he possessed. And I know you feel the same. And I also know that he's here, with us both, right now. Just because you can't see him, doesn't make him gone, Justin. Those that we love never truly leave us."

Justin let those words wash over him and he felt something reaching inside of him, grabbing onto his soul and saying, "Promise me you'll live for us both. If you do that, I promise to always be here with you."

"I promise," Justin whispered, softly enough for only himself to hear, but loud enough in his soul for his lover to hear it loud and clear.

Justin looked over at the coffin once more, looking so neat and polished. He turned back to the woman standing only a few feet away from him.

"I know that I'm not strong enough to make it alone."

She was about to say something, but Justin interrupted her.

"But I know that I'm strong enough to make it with him by my side."

She smiled and pulled Justin into her arms, hugging him tightly.

"I think that you've just taken the first step in letting go."

"No," Justin said firmly. "I've just taken the first step in learning to live."

They made their way slowly out of the cemetery, where Justin's three remaining best friends stood there, waiting for them.

Justin turned back and looked at the coffin, which was barely visible now.

'I'm not strong enough to go on without you, but if you can keep your promise to always stay with me, then I can be strong enough to keep mine. I promise you that too, Lance.'

As Justin turned to leave, he felt something.

The rain.