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Who I Am
by
Annie
“Mr. Bass, I’d like you
tell me three things that define who you are.”
Who I am? What if I don’t want to answer? What
if I don’t want to be here?
“I’m a musician.”
Hell, if
Josh can jazz up singer and boy-band member, so can I. Okay, so I’m
a musician, what else am I?
“I’m a manager.”
Yeah,
that’s good. It’s true, I’m in NSYNC and I manage upcoming
artists... what else do I do? Oooh, I own a film company.
“I’m a business man. I own my own film company,
and I starred in a movie it produced. So I guess that would make me
an actor too.”
Why is she
laughing at me? What kind of psychiatrist laughs at their patients?
Not that I even need to be here, I’m not mentally unstable, I don’t
have any problems.
“Mr. Bass, you just told me what you do, but
you didn’t tell me who you are.”
What? I
did too. I’m famous, that’s who I am. I’m successful, that’s who I
am. I’m fucking in love with one of my band-mates and... that wasn’t
supposed to come out. Oh well, I didn’t say it out loud, at
least.
“Mr. Bass, I want you to tell me who you,
yourself, are. I highly doubt that all you are is your fame.”
You don’t
know anything about me. You get paid to sit in a room with me once a
week for an hour to try and psycho analyze my head, but it’ll never
work. I -am- my fame, lady. Once you become famous, your life gets
fucked up, no matter what. You get into drugs and alcohol and just
pray that you don’t end up like Kurt Cobain. It’s a downward spiral,
and there’s those few, those lucky few, that are able to make it, to
stay the people they were when they started out. Josh is one of
those... damn it, why can’t I get him out of my head, my mind, my
heart?
“Fine. I’m 22 years old.”
“That’s very good, Mr. Bass. What else?”
“I was born and raised in Mississippi.”
“And... I have one sister.”
“That’s all wonderful Mr. Bass, the first
answer was excellent, but the last two told me about your
background. I don’t want to know about that, I want to know about
you.”
So you’ve
said, more than once.
“Um, I never went to college, but I maintained
a 3.7 GPA all throughout High School.”
“Very good, Mr. Bass. Now, can you tell me one
more thing about yourself?”
Oh, sure I
can, but I’m not going to-
“I’m gay.”
...say
it.
Fuck, why
is she just sitting there, why isn’t she saying anything? Why is she
smiling at me? Oh... I just told her I was gay, we had a
“breakthrough”. Goody, lets celebrate. How about you stay here and I
go get smashed?
“That is excellent, Mr. Bass. I’m really glad
you told me that, now I feel like we can get somewhere in our
sessions.”
Oooh, yay.
The mystery of Lance Bass unravels itself. Stay tuned next week to
hear him tell all about how much he loves his best friend, JC
Chasez. Oh, he’ll be in tears, too. Yeah, wouldn’t that storyline
win a fucking Emmy? Or at least the Pulitzer for journalism, I’m
sure someone would write a touching article in People magazine about
it.
Please,
spare me.
“I wish we could continue, but unfortunately,
we’re out of time. I look forward to our session next week.”
Yeah, too
bad I don’t.
She wants
to know who I am? Three things? Well, let me spell it out. I’m gay,
I’m in love with JC, and I’m completely fucked up.
That’s who I am.
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