When Tomorrow Starts Without Me 
by Annie

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see;
If the sun should rise and find your eyes,
All filled with tears for me.

I hate seeing you cry. It's one of the worst things, to watch the silent tears fall down your beautiful face. Please, don't cry, not over me.

Not over me.

I wish so much you wouldn't cry,
The way you did today;
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.
I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you;
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

I know you knew. I know that you knew how much I loved you.

I know you knew that you were my entire world. I knew.

And I know that I was yours as well. I always knew. You showed me everyday, with your kisses that woke me up, and your secret smile, just for me. The way your hand felt in mine. The way you whispered my name when we made love, the way your eyes said it all when we looked at each other in silence. You said it all with those things. Kinda makes me think of that song, 'When You Say Nothing At All'.

I haven't been dead that long, and I already miss you more than words can explain. How could I not? All I want to do is reach out and hold you, make your tears go away, make it all better, but I can't. And that hurts more than dying did. More than dying ever could.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand;
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand.
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above;
And that I'd have to leave behind,
All those I dearly love.

I wanted to die an old man, in my sleep, with you by my side, dying at the same time with me, because I know we're soulmates, and I wanted us to enter into eternity together. I guess that wont happen. I didn't even see him coming, that drunk driver. I didn't see him until it was too late, I couldn't swerve away, I couldn't do anything but lie there, thinking of you as my life slowly slipped away.

I loved you with my last breath, you know.

I still love you, even though I no longer need breath.

At first, it was so surreal. It was like that movie, 'Ghost', I swear. I was standing there, watching as those paramedics took me to the hospital. I watched as they pulled that white sheet up over my head, and I remember how eerie that was.

Then, I was suddenly in the living room of your house, watching as you watched something on the TV with the other guys and your mom. I heard the phone ring, I saw your mom get up and answer it. I watched the color drain from her face, the tears start to fall as she hung up.

I watched as you went to her, you face showing concern and worry. The other guys were watching her too, and it was then that she said it. She told you I was dead.

I'll never forget the look on your face. As much as I want to, it's permanently etched into my mind. I can't even describe it, but it made me cry just looking at you. I didn't know just how much you loved me until I saw that face.

I saw the world fall apart in your eyes. Your eyes shouldn't hold that much pain, not for me.

And now I'm here, at my own funeral, watching you cry for me, and I hate it when you cry. You shouldn't cry, I'm still here, even if you can't see me. I still love you, please don't cry.

Not for me.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye;
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

God, I didn't want to die. I didn't want to leave you. I didn't want to leave the best thing that's ever happened to me.

You.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do;
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
And all the fun we had.

You'll never understand just how much you changed my life. How much you changed me. I loved you from the moment I met you. I know it sounds like a line from so many romance novels and movies, but it's true. I fell for you the very first time I ever saw you.

The day we got together, I can still remember it. It was one of the best days of my life. It was raining outside, and the other guys were all waiting for us down in the lobby of the hotel we were going to. We were supposed to meet them down there. We were going to see a movie.

We never did make it to the lobby, did we?

I think the other guys knew why before we even told them. And I will always be thankful for their 100% support of us. Even the teasing was gentle and full of love. Nothing could've made my life more complete, I had everything I had ever wanted. Good career, money, love all around me, you.

It always comes back to you. Like I said, you're the center of my world.

Alive or dead.

I know that you know that.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while;
I'd say good-bye and kiss you,
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be;
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

I wish I had said things differently to you the night I died. We had run out of snack foods, and your mom was going to get some, but I volunteered to go instead. I only gave you a gentle kiss and said, "Bye."

I wish I had told you how I felt, how much I loved you, how much you meant to me, how much I wanted you to be in my life forever and even after that. I only said a simple good-bye to you, however.

I bet you're wishing the same thing.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow;
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.

I don't want you to think that I don't remember you, that I'll forget anything about you, me, us, because I wont. Here in heaven, you get to always reflect on your happiest moments.

Mine were with you.

When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne;
He said, "This is eternity, and all I've promised you.
Today your life on earth is past, But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow, but today will always last.
And since each day's the same way, there's no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful, so trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven and now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand,
And share my life with me?"

I knew you were always just a little afraid that God was going to punish us for our sins. I never saw it like that. You can't chose the way you turn out to be. You are who God makes you, and he's not going to make you into something you can't control just so he can eternally damn your soul. He loves everyone, and he made us for each other, and I bet he was proud, not spiteful.

There is a peace that comes with death that I never thought possible, when you don't have any pain, any regrets, any guilt, anger, any of the painful mortal emotions. When you die, all you know is peace. And the memories. That's all you have, is peace and your memories.

For how wonderful it is, the afterlife and everything, there's still something missing. Some part of me that isn't quite here yet. I know what it is.

It's you.

And that's how I know that we're soulmates.

It's just you here now, looking down at my grave. And you're still crying. And talking, I can hear you talking.

"I remember something you promised me. You promised me that you'd always be my superman, Joey. Always there when I needed you. Well, I need you the most right now, and you're not here. You're not here."

But I am here, I will always be here.

And when tomorrow starts without me, I know that you'll understand. You'll know.

You'll know that I'll always be your superman, Justin.

Always.

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart;
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here in your heart.